


Someday you will be loved

by ReyloRobyn2011



Series: Neon Lights [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Chicago setting, Depression Disorder, Devoted Reylo, F/M, Fluff, Porn With Very Little Plot, Possessive Kylo Ren, Smut, hopelessly devoted, sex in a nightclub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-09-15 01:51:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9213830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyloRobyn2011/pseuds/ReyloRobyn2011
Summary: Kylo POV of "In a phrase to cut these lips"





	1. Chapter 1

"Phas, who's that girl over there?" Kylo asked his friend as she mixed some drinks for the customers at the end of the bar.

"What girl are you talking about Kylo, I'm not a mind reader." 

He glared at her and snarked, "you know I can have you fired." 

"You wouldn't dare." 

"You're right. That girl." He pointed, "the one at the end by herself." 

Phasma smirked at him, "I've got no idea Kylo, I've never seen her here before. You should have a drink sent over to her."

"Don't be ridiculous Phas, I'm just stopping in to make sure everything is going smoothly with the club." He glanced at the woman at the end of the bar again. She was beautiful with her hair pulled back in three little buns. He couldn't imagine why she would be at this club alone. Pretty thing like her. He continued to stare when he heard Phasma clear her throat. 

"Are you just going to stare at her or are you going to go talk to her? She's been sitting there for a while. Doubt she's waiting on anyone."

"Phasma, you know I can't do that. There is something about her though." He leaned on his elbow with his hand bracing his jaw. Really beautiful. 

"What kind of drink do you think she would like?" Asked Phasma. 

"Why would that matter? I'm not sending a drink to her."

"I bet she would like lemon drops," Phasma said as she began grabbing the required ingredients to mix the drink. 

Kylo grabbed her wrist. "Wait, what are you doing? I told you not to send her a drink." 

"Listen Kylo, I've known you for how long? And you've never shown interest in anyone. This girl has somehow caught the eye of the workaholic known as Kylo Ren. I'm not going to let this pretty girl just pass you by. So just sit there and look sexy and I'll point you out to her once I drop off her drink." 

He groaned, "I'm not getting out of this am I?" 

"No you aren't," she replied as she stuck her tongue out at him and carried the drink over to the girl.

Kylo watched as Phasma approached the girl with the lemon drop. He continued to watch as she pointed towards him and the girl turned her head to look. He waved awkwardly. The pretty girl smiled and waved back. Damn she has a nice smile too. Feeling emboldened, he decided to approach her. Phasma gave him a wink as he passed by her leaning against the bar top. 

"Is it alright if I take this seat?"

The girl nodded her approval. He pulled out the barstool and sat down, accidentally brushing his knee against hers. He thought he caught her staring at his mouth, which pleased him more than it really should have. 

"I'm Kylo" 

"Rey" 

"That's a beautiful name," he found himself saying. He had really meant it too. Rey. The name suited her. 

He didn't expect to hit it off the way that they had. She was breathtakingly beautiful without a doubt. Her intelligence was equally as fascinating. He had never met anyone in his life worthy of such attention, and he didn't want to let her slip away.

He was encouraged by the way she made subtle excuses to touch him. A squeeze of his hand when he made her laugh, a delicate brush of his hair with her fingertips when an errant curl fell in his eyes, and the more bold placement of her hand upon his thigh. She was just as intrigued by him as he was with her. 

When he asked her to dance he wasn't expecting the fearful look that she gave. Perhaps he had been reading too far into their little touches. He immediately apologized. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable or to scare her off. She surprised him when she explained that she simply didn't know how to dance. Well Kylo could fix that. 

"You need a teacher." 

"I need a teacher." 

Kylo grabbed her by the hand to lead her out into the sea of bodies and neon lights. He gently placed his hands on her hips engulfing her tiny frame with his larger one. He rolled her hips against him. She has a beautiful body, he could feel her ass pressed against his front and he hoped to God that she couldn't feel him start to stiffen in his pants. She had her hand in his hair again, she seemed to like his hair. He would be lying if he didn't admit how soothing her fingers felt against his scalp. 

She began to relax, he could tell by the way she rested her head back against his shoulder. He had the intense urge to kiss her. He could lean down now and claim her mouth, but he wanted to do right by her. Rey was special, and she deserved to be treated as such. 

He couldn't resist any longer and found himself asking for her permission to kiss her. 

"Yes." 

He couldn't hold back his passion any longer, spinning her around he pressed his lips against hers. Gently he nudged his tongue along the seam of her mouth, she let out a little gasp and he took the opportunity to taste her. His hands seemed to move on their own accord, gliding down her lithe body until he reached her ass. Kylo hoped that he wasn't crossing a line as he grabbed her pert behind. She had a lovely ass. 

Suddenly she broke the kiss. The blue and purple strobe lights reflected in her hazel eyes. 

"Kylo, I want you. Can we go somewhere?" 

He couldn't believe this beautiful woman, with eyes full of lust, wanted him. Most women that approached him at his clubs knew of his status, and were only approaching him for the prospect of his money. Not Rey though. Rey was a breath of fresh air. He kissed her forehead and decided to do something he had never done before. Kylo made his way back to the private rooms. 

He nodded to the security guard. Phasma's friend with benefits, Armitage Hux. He had that pinched sour expression on his face that had become a fixture. 

He opened the door for her and nudged her through with a hand on her lower back. 

"Don't worry, nobody will bother us in here," he assured Rey. 

Kylo turned to grab her face and kiss her again, but she stared back at him with sheer panic.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

She tried to play it off as nothing, but he knew better. She still looked uneasy, and that just wouldn't do. Kylo sat on the couch patted the seat beside him. 

She tried to avoid his eyes, shifting her gaze to the floor as she spoke.

"Listen, I'm not this type of girl, not really."

Realization started to set in, she thought that... that he... no, he had to reassure her. Had to make her see. That it wasn't that way for him either. Christ, he didn't want her to feel obligated to do anything with him. 

"And I've never brought a girl back here before. Rey, I really like you. If you aren't comfortable we can just talk and kiss. Maybe I can get your number and we can hang out again."

Selfishly he hoped she wouldn't reject him. He would respect her either way, but a man could hope. The next thing he knew, Rey was on top of him and kissing him deeply. His hands moved by their on volition, stroking up and down her back until they reached the straps of her dress. Before his confidence could wane he pulled the straps down her arms. 

She was beautiful, he had the sudden urge to touch her. Every part of her. He finally gave in to the temptation by cupping her breasts through her bra. "So beautiful," the thought floated through his mind, and he was fairly confident he voiced it out loud. 

Suddenly Rey jumped off of his lap, letting her dress fall to the floor. She stood before him in matching black lace bra and panties and stilettos. Those heels would be the death of him. It took every amount of self control to not grab her and pound into her relentlessly. But that's not what he truly wanted with her, no. He wanted to take his time with with her, to savor her.

She started to take off the heels, he suggested that she keep them on. The heels were hot. 

She was back in his lap and grinding against him. He kissed her again, grabbing her face to deepen it. He delved his tongue into her mouth, gently licking against her own. His hands skimmed down her shoulders to the clasp of her bra. In a swift movement he unhooked it, asking if it was alright to do so. 

Rey didn't seem to mind. She laughed and threw the bra somewhere over her shoulder. He couldn't get over her laugh, she was just too cute. But now, now she was bare from the waist up. He hoped he didn't look like a creep ogling her the way that he was. She was just, so incredibly beautiful. Her breasts were perky, and she had small pert nipples. He heard himself groan as he cupped them. The next thing he knew, he was taking a nipple in his mouth, sucking it between his lips. He laved at the sharp point before moving over to the other. 

"Wait Kylo, wait." 

He looked up at her, hoping he wasn't going too fast. She motioned for him to get up, grabbing his hands to help him. 

She made a comment about her lack of dress and his fully clothed body. He was an idiot, so involved with her he didn't even realize he had gotten her mostly naked without taking a single piece of his own clothing off. With their combined effort they made quick work of removing his clothes. 

Impatience would be his downfall, he grabbed her again kissing her senselessly. Her warm body pressed up against his chest. She worked on his belt buckle, dropping to her knees to remove his pants. That image was now burned into his brain. As much as he wanted her mouth on him, he wouldn't allow her to do that tonight. Maybe another time, he hoped there would be more times. But for now, he wanted to treat her right and he really wanted to eat her pussy. 

"I want you to ride my face Rey." 

She followed him over to the couch where he laid back against the arm rest. He all but shoved her body on top of him. He could smell her arousal through her panties. He licked against her before getting frustrated with the garment. 

Kylo has always been somewhat compulsive. It would probably get him into trouble one day, perhaps even today. He grabbed her panties and ripped them in half to rid them of her body. Kylo didn't have time for those panties. 

He licked her from her soft folds up the the little nub at the top. She tasted wonderful. He wanted to take his time, make her come two or three times just from his tongue. He suckled on her clit while he pushed a finger inside her. She was tight and warm around his finger. He felt her tugging on his hair, sinking her fingers through his curls. It only served to encourage him more. 

He pumped his finger in and out of her while lavishing attention on her clit. He felt her begin to contract against his finger. He pulled off of her nub and licked up her juices that gathered between her folds.

"You taste amazing Rey, I could eat you out every day and never tire of the taste."

He thought he saw her blush, but before he could get a good look at her she was kissing him again. He leaned her back against the couch and stroked her face. 

A thought came to mind, that he would have to find a condom. Hux maybe had one on him, doubtful that he would willingly give one to him. Looking into Rey's hazel eyes he voiced his concern. 

"I have an implant. I'm fine without it, if you are."

"So I can come inside you?" He didn't know why that prospect pleased him so. 

"Yes," she replied. 

He quickly pushed his underwear down, his cock sprung forth. He saw her eyes widen and then felt her tiny hand rubbing up and down his dick. He was not going to last long if she kept doing that. 

He lined himself up and gently pushed inside. She was incredibly tight and so warm. He clenched his fists as he gave her time to adjust. His forehead was leaning against hers, when she squeezed his shoulders and moved her arms around his neck. He lifted up to look in her eyes, and the look on her face told him she was ready. 

He thrust his hips forward into her. She felt amazing. He could live inside her. He pumped in and out of her at a steady rhythm. He grabbed just underneath her knee and brought her leg up against his shoulder. This new angle allowed him to reach even deeper within her. 

He wasn't going to last much longer, and he wanted to push her over the edge again. He leaned over and took her nipple into his mouth. Sucking and releasing it with a pop. 

"I want to feel you come around my dick." 

"Yes Kylo," she moaned. 

He felt her orgasm clenching around his dick and it triggered his own, shooting his seed deep inside her.

He collapsed on top of her, careful not to put his full weight on top of the tiny girl. He laid his head down on top of her breasts and released a breath. 

"You are amazing," he told her.

"So are you." 

He raised up on her elbows and rolled off of her. Watched as his seed trickled out of her. He felt a sudden urge to gather it and push it back inside of her. Maybe it was his possessive nature getting the better of him. It felt good to leave a piece of him inside her. 

Kylo helped her up and took his time helping her get dressed. He found her ruined panties and discreetly placed them in his pocket. 

He grabbed her waist and pulled her against him, he kissed her cheek and then her lips. Placing his forehead against hers. 

"I don't want this to be the end Rey, I really like you and I had a great time tonight."

"I had a great time too, Kylo."

He grabbed her hand and raised it to his lips, placing a soft sweet kiss against her knuckles. 

"Come home with me Rey. Tomorrow I will make you breakfast and we can watch movies in bed. Or I can take you to the movies, whatever you want. Just please, come home with me."

Kylo was an impulsive person, but he had never been this impulsive before. He never had relationships, but he wanted one with Rey. He nervously waited for her answer, for her rejection. Surely she wouldn't want more than what they had just shared. 

Not for the first time, Rey surprised him. 

They left the room holding hands. Passing Hux who was glaring at him, but returned to his normal pinched expression when he realized he was caught. 

He lead Rey to the front, opening the door for her. He caught sight of Phasma at her place behind the bar. She winked at him and gave him a knowing smile. He certainly owed Phasma for pushing him. 

Outside he paid the valet. He held her against his chest as they waited for his car to arrive. He placed small kisses to her temple. 

The car arrived and he noticed Rey freeze in place. He looked at her inquisitively. 

"Kylo, what exactly do you do for a living?" 

He couldn't stifle his laugh.

"Rey I own this night club and many others in the city."

She seemed impressed, but didn't look at him any differently. He felt relieved that his occupation wasn't a huge deal. Rey was different, she was special. And he was going to make sure she knew that. Now that he had her, he wasn't going to let her out of his sight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to make the setting Chicago because I fell in love with the city back in October when I visited. The Blackhawks are the NHL team. The United Center is where they play. 
> 
> I hope you like this continuation.

Waking up wrapped around Rey's warm body was something he could get used to. They were both still naked from the night before, where he made love to her in his bed. Like he should have done from the beginning, if he weren't so impulsive. That hardly mattered now that he had her. 

He pressed a kiss on her shoulder and trailed kisses up along her neck until he reached the corner of her mouth. She began to stir in her sleep, and didn't she look so adorable with her hair all over the place and her mouth hanging open. 

Kylo was the luckiest man. He still couldn't believe this gorgeous, intelligent woman was here with him. 

Rey rolled over onto her back and looked up into his eyes and smiled at him. He could feel his heart constricting. What was she doing to him? He wanted to show her how he felt. He began pressing feather light kisses down her side. 

"Good morning sweetheart," he said. 

Rey smiled at him again and replied, "good morning, sleep well?"

"Better than I have ever slept." 

He wanted to ask her to stay again tonight, to stay again forever. But the last thing he wanted to do was to scare her off. So instead he took her hand and kissed her knuckles. 

"Stay in bed and relax, I'm going to go make you some breakfast," he told her as he placed a chaste kiss to her lips. He couldn't keep the smile off of his face as he left her in his bed. Pulling on some briefs and a pair of sweatpants, he left his bedroom and the gorgeous woman behind to tread down the hall to his kitchen. 

He opened up the blinds revealing the city skyline and Lake Michigan. This view had taken Rey's breath away the night before. He had held her in his arms on the balcony, watching her hazel eyes light up at the sights and sounds. 

Kylo made his way back to his kitchen. He lived in an old warehouse building that had been converted to apartments. He wasn't big on decorating, he had a minimalistic lifestyle. Now that Rey was here, he wondered if she would be more comfortable with some personal touches added. It was rather stark and bare. It never mattered before due to her being the first person he had ever brought back to his home. Even Phasma had never been to his home. He always insisted on hanging out at her place or elsewhere. 

He grabbed the carton of eggs and a package of bacon. He felt arms wrap around his waist and a kiss being pressed to his shoulder. 

"Hey love," he said while looking over his shoulder. "You don't have any food allergies or preferences do you?" 

"I love any and all foods. I'm not picky," she replied. 

She was wearing nothing but an old t-shirt of his, and he wanted her to stay that way for the rest of the day. However, he did promise her they could do whatever she wanted.

"Fantastic. Have you thought about what you might want to do today? Whatever you want Rey, you let me know and we're there." 

"Well there is something, I don't know if you would be able to swing it on such short notice. But I've never been to a hockey game before. I've always wanted to go, but we could always watch the game at the bar. That would be fun too."

He smiled to himself, this was perfect. 

"I have seats Rey, season tickets. I didn't know if you would like hockey or else I would have offered. I would love to take you."

The radiant smile she gave him made his heart constrict again. He would give her anything, anything that she could ever want. 

"Now go back to bed, I'll bring you breakfast when I'm finished. Maybe find something on Netflix to watch. Whatever you like." 

He ushered her back to his bedroom and returned to his cooking.

***

Kylo opened the door to his bedroom carrying a tray with their breakfast. Rey was still wearing his shirt and was flipping through his Netflix queue. He gently placed the tray down on the bed and crawled over to press a kiss on her lips. 

"Breakfast is served," he gestured to the tray. He had made scrambled eggs, bacon, and bagels with cream cheese. He also brought a bowl of fresh fruit. 

"Thank you kindly, sir."

He groaned and told her, "you can't call me that, it does things to me." 

She chuckled at him and slapped his shoulder playfully. 

"We're watching The Breakfast Club by the way," she added, "it's my favorite movie." 

Kylo maneuvered her so he could put his arm around her shoulder and the tray across their laps. 

"It's mine too, sweetheart." And if that wasn't a sign he didn't know what was. She was perfect. 

Rey watched the movie as he watched her. He just couldn't help himself. He was infatuated. After they had finished most of their breakfast, he tossed the tray aside and held the bowl of fresh fruit against his chest. Rey reached over to grab a piece of fruit when he stopped her by grabbing her hand and kissing it. 

"Let me feed it to you, please." 

She nodded in agreement. He chose a strawberry first. He held it up to her mouth as she opened and leaned forward to take a bite. He fed her a grape next, popping it into her mouth. A piece of watermelon to follow. She made sure to take his thumb into her mouth and suck it clean of all the juices.

The movie forgotten, he pulled her against him. One arm was around her back pushing her fully against him while the other cupped her cheek. He kissed her deeply, pressing his tongue against hers. She tasted like the fruit they had just shared. 

He gently kissed her into the pillows and settled on top of her. 

"You look fucking hot in my shirt," he said as he trailed his fingers underneath the hem. He grabbed her waist and squeezed. 

She had her arms around his neck, kissing him back in fervor. He felt her trail her hands down his back until she reached his ass. 

"And you have a nice ass," she replied as she gave it a little slap. He chuckled as she tentatively gave it a squeeze. 

"Is that so?"

"Mmmhmm" 

He pulled up his borrowed shirt until her beautiful breasts were barred before him. He wanted to lavish all his attention to them. 

He grabbed her around the waist and turned so that he was on his back and she was straddling his hips. He grabbed the hem of the shirt and pulled it over her head. She was completely bare before him, and he could feel how wet she already was. 

Kylo couldn't resist any longer, he reached up to cup her breasts. He circled her nipples with his thumbs until they hardened into stiff peaks. He pulled her down closer to him so he could take one nipple into his mouth while he rolled the other between his finger and thumb. 

He really could do this forever. He pulled off with a delicious pop and kissed her nipple. He continued to press kisses along her breasts until he reached her other nipple, which he gladly took into his mouth to give the same attention. 

She sighed loudly and said, "I love when you do that. You are so good with that mouth, and that tongue." 

He loved the filthy words she uttered when she was full of lust. 

He was painfully hard and his tip was probably leaking. He grabbed her waist again and asked, "are you ready for me?"

Her response was to scoot back past his legs. She grabbed onto his pants and underwear pulling them down in one swift movement. She tossed them to the side and admired his cock as it jutted forward. 

"I want to suck your dick baby." 

Damn, she was going to be the death of him. He seemed to be at a loss of words and could only stare at her and nod in affirmation. 

She licked from the base of him to the tip and pressed a soft kiss there. She met his eyes and smiled before parting her lips and taking him in. Her mouth was hot and wet. She was good at this, and the knowledge of that made him irrationally jealous. He pushed those thoughts aside to enjoy the feeling of her hot breath on his shaft. 

He held her face and pulled her off of him. He smiled at her as he asked, "I'd like to be inside you now, is that okay?"

"Yes, Kylo."

She climbed back on top of him, grabbing his dick and sinking down fully on top of him. They hadn't tried this position yet, but he was loving seeing her on top of him. 

She bobbed on top of him, taking the lead. He had his hands on her waist and thrusted into her softly. She felt amazing, she was amazing. Amazingly smart, amazingly beautiful. Lovely, just lovely... and that was his heart again tightening up in his chest. He felt like he was going to burst. 

Suddenly, he flipped them over so he was on top. He pushed back into her soft and sensually. Kissing her brow, her cheek, and her lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and god if that didn't feel incredibly. 

He picked up the pace feeling her start to quake beneath him. Thrusting harder, chasing his own orgasm. She grabbed his ass with both of her hands and held him against her. He grabbed her leg and pushed it higher so he could reach deeper inside her. Thrusting at a steady pace until he felt the delicious flutter that signified her orgasm. It only took two more thrusts for him to be spilling inside her. 

He collapsed on top of her, kissing her lips again. 

"Fuck Rey, fuck. I think. I think I'm in love with you." 

The words left his mouth before he even realized he was speaking out loud. And shit, she was staring at him like he was crazy. Shit. 

"Uh. Um. Shit, okay. I didn't mean for that to slip out."

She still hadn't said anything. She was looking at him with those hazel eyes wide and full of shock. 

"What I mean is, I shouldn't have said that. It's probably too early. It is too early. But I don't regret it. I mean, I regret saying it this early. But I don't regret the words. Because I meant it, it was true." 

Fuck he was an idiot. He lowered his head to her shoulder and nuzzled her there. 

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable Rey."

He felt her intake of breath. He held his in and waited for her reaction. Fuck, he was an idiot. 

"Well, that was surprising. But I can't say that it doesn't make me happy. It might sound strange but I felt a connection with you right away. I'm not saying that I'm in love with you, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But I think what we have, I think it could grow in to love."

He could accept that, Rey felt that she could grow to love him. That's all he could really ever ask of her. For her to just give him a chance. He kissed her shoulder and looked at her sweetly. 

"I really like you. I want to take you out and treat you like a queen. I want you to be mine, and in return I'll be yours. Please be mine," he pleaded. 

"Kylo, are you asking to be exclusive?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm yours."

Kylo finally felt as if he could breath again. Wrapping her up into his arms he whispered into her ear, "well sweetheart, we need to go shopping for some clothes for you to wear to the game tonight."

"Don't be ridiculous Kylo, you can drop me by my place where I can change."

He smirked at her but relented. "Fine, but there is one place I want to take you before the game. I won't take no for an answer."

"And where might that be?"

He gave her a devilish smile and replied, "secret."

She rolled her eyes at him, and couldn't he get used to that? The look on her face, the mock annoyance. She was perfect, and she was his. 

***

Kylo had dressed in his nicest pair of jeans and his Blackhawks sweater. He was waiting in the car for Rey outside of the home she rented. She had mentioned her two roommates in passing, he wondered when he would get the chance to meet them. 

He gripped the steering wheel nervously as he waited for her. Finally she burst through her front door and leapt down the porch, making her way back to his car. 

She looked lovely in her tight skinny jeans and a long sleeve black shirt. Her hair was put up into those three little buns lining the back of her head. Fuck, he was in love. 

"So I figured we could take the L out to the United Center. I want to take you somewhere downtown first though. So we can drop my car off in the garage and walk to the train station. Is that alright with you?"

"Sounds great, are you going to tell me where you are taking me?" 

"Nope." He smiled at her. 

She climbed into the passenger seat and huffed. He leaned in to kiss her lips and she melted against him. Putting the car into gear, he drove back towards his parking garage. 

***

They walked hand in hand down Michigan Avenue, holding their coffee cups from the brief stop at Starbucks. They were getting closer to their destination, and he wondered if she had figured it out yet. Suddenly they stopped in front of a shop with a glass door and a Blackhawks symbol on the front. 

"You brought me to the Blackhawks store?" 

She was smiling so broad, it made his heart beat faster. 

"Yes love, I wanted you to pick out a jersey, whichever one you want." 

She hugged him tightly and pecked him on the lips. 

"You are too good to me, you know I could just get a t shirt. I don't need a jersey." 

He shook his head at her. "I insist Rey."

He led her into the store. They climbed the steps to the top floor, the store was filled with jerseys, sweatshirts, t shirts, and other merchandise. He held her hand as he made his way over to the jerseys. 

"Do you have a favorite player?"

She seemed to ponder it for a moment and then answered. 

"I like Duncan Keith, defenseman are tough. I like tough guys." 

He laughed at her, if she only knew how tough he was with everyone else. He hoped she wouldn't go running for the hills. He had been told by Phasma that he had a glare of death that he would shoot at people that infuriated him. 

Kylo purchased the jersey for her and helped her put it on over her black shirt. They were making their way to the train station, he remembered they needed to get on the blue line. 

They were lucky enough to grab a seat on the train. Rey sat on his lap with her back against his chest. She was tracing her fingers along his hands. He wanted to ask her to stay again tonight, it would make sense if they would be getting out late from the game. She would be exhausted. But after his ill advised confession from earlier, he was afraid to push the issue. 

"Kylo?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist before answering her. 

"Yes, Rey." 

"I was just wondering if it would be too much to ask, to stay over tonight. We will be getting out so late."

He hushed her with a kiss to her neck. 

"You can stay any night you want. Know that, okay?"

"Okay," she answered back with a shy smile. 

She could grow to love him. He would make sure of that. He looked out the window and thought about how much his life had changed, and for the first time he was excited for what would be next to unfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I was inspired by those Paterson gifs of him giving his wife those soft kisses along her body. I'm trash.
> 
> Did this feel like a good conclusion or would you want more from this universe?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo takes Rey on a date around the city. When they get back home they get a little competitive over a video game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this chapter is horrible, I'm sorry. I struggled with some horrible writers block. Hope it isn't too bad.

"Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle before?"

She was laying across the couch with her feet in his lap while reading a book on her kindle. She set the kindle aside to look up at him. 

"No, never. Why?" 

"I want to take you somewhere, but I'd really love to take you on my motorcycle. I think you'd love it."

He tickled her feet. She started kicked at him while giggling, "stop Kylo stop! I'll go with you anywhere, just stop tickling my feet."

"Great! Now go get dressed, sweetheart." 

She jumped off of his lap and walked into his bedroom to change. 

They had been officially dating for two weeks. She spent most of her nights over at his apartment, only going home once or twice to get more clothes and to check in with her roommates. He wasn't particularly fond of her living with two men. But when she explained that Finn and Poe were in a relationship together, the jealousy that was surging through his veins seemed to dissipate. He trusted Rey regardless, she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. He still couldn't help his possessive nature. 

She walked out of his bedroom dressed in a pair of skinny jeans that hugged her ass perfectly, paired with a brown leather jacket and brown knee high boots. She looked gorgeous. 

"Ready to go?"

He grabbed her by the waist and pecked her lips before responding, "after you." 

***

Rey had her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Her breasts were pressed into his back, and god if it wasn't distracting. He had the most beautiful woman tucked tightly around him as they rode his bike back around downtown Chicago. Ben could smell wood burning somewhere off in the distance. It was just starting to cool off in late October, so people were most likely taking advantage of their fireplaces. The wind kissed his face and blew his hair, it was a both a comfort and relaxing. He placed his hand on her thigh and slowly stroked down to her knee. He kept his hand there squeezing her knee. She responding with an even tighter embrace around his waist. He felt her head nuzzle his neck. He gave her knee another squeeze before releasing it and returning to the handle bars.

He parked his bike in a garage down the street from Millennium park. He wanted to take her around the city hand in hand.

"You know. I've never actually seen 'the bean' and I've lived in Chicago almost all of my life," she said. 

He smiled at her, throwing an arm around her shoulders and holding her close. 

"That is perfect sweetheart, because that's the first place I'm taking you."

They walked through the park, only stopping when Kylo would point out his favorite buildings among the city skyline. One thing he loved about his city was the gothic architecture that could be found amidst the newer construction. 

Suddenly, Rey's face brightened at the sight of the cloud gate. Or as many liked to call it, 'the bean.' He took out his phone and motioned to her that he wanted to take her picture. She struck a few poses in front of the mirrored structure, and wasn't she just adorable. Rey grabbed his hand and insisted they take a picture together. He held up his arm to get a good angle of their faces, her cheek pressed up against his neck. Her smile was radiant and he had to admit, they looked good together. 

They were now walking down the Chicago riverwalk. He couldn't help stealing glances at her as she took in the sights. He loved the feeling of her warm hand in his. He saw the street vendors up ahead and motioned Rey over. This particular vendor was selling one of his favorite street foods, Chicago steak sandwiches. He bagged up their sandwiches to go, he had the perfect place for them to enjoy their food. But first, he needed to call an Uber. 

***

The Uber dropped them off at Grant park. Kylo took off his black leather jacket and placed it on the grassy hill for him and Rey to sit on. From here you could see the entire city skyline, and behind them you could see Lake Michigan. It was one of his favorites spots in the city. He handed Rey her sandwich and pulled out his own. She took a bite and moaned at the taste, and that did things to him. He couldn't get over how wonderful she was. 

They were laying on their backs in the grass having finished their lunch. He held her hand in his and brought it to his mouth so he could lay kisses on her knuckles. Their heads were pressed close together, foreheads almost touching. He could get lost in her hazel eyes. She brought her other hand around his neck to sink into his hair. 

She was a siren, and he couldn't resist her call. Unable to resist the temptation any longer, he closed the distance and kissed her pink lips. Perfect, she's perfect, he thought as he deepened the kiss pressing his tongue along the seam of her mouth. She opened up allowing him entrance. He licked inside her mouth, pressing his tongue along hers. Her tongue was silky and soft. He pulled away and eyed her suggestively, "want to go back now?"

"Let's get out of here," she replied.

***

The walk back to the parking garage was a lot longer than he had anticipated. Rey was utterly exhausted once they had gotten back to his apartment. He sent her off to his bed to take a nap while he made some calls for work. 

Kylo was on his couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt with the controller to his Wii U in his lap. He was playing Mario Kart, which was one of his favorite games growing up. Rey had been napping for a couple of hours now. He had checked on her fifteen minutes prior. She was laying in the center of his bed with an arm flung over her eyes. The blankets were tangled around her waist. He would never tire of the sight of her in his bed. He had silently closed the door and returned to the living room. 

Now he was mindlessly playing his video game when he felt arms reach around his neck from behind him. Pausing the game, he grabbed on to her arm with one of his hands and leaning his head back against her shoulder. 

"Hey sweetheart, did you enjoy your nap?"

"Mmhmm, are you playing video games?" 

He felt his cheeks turn pink as he admitted that he indeed was playing video games. 

"Perfect, can I play too?"

"Of course. Let me go grab the other controller." 

"No don't get up, I'll get it." She had replied as she made her way around the couch. She was wearing nothing but one of his t-shirts and her panties. 

He fidgeted on the couch, just looking at her like that was making him react. She bent over to get the controller from the entertainment center giving him a nice view of her ass in those tiny panties. He quickly pressed down on his crouch with the palm of his hand. Now was not the time to get aroused. 

She sauntered over and sat directly on top of his crouch with her back against his chest. 

"You are totally going down, babe." 

"Oh you're on," he replied. 

He won the first race and her little pout was the cutest thing he had ever seen. She insisted that they go again, and there was a mischievous glint in her eyes that told him to be cautious. She was planning something. 

They started the next race. He felt her start to wiggle her ass in tiny circles, damn her. She continued to grind against him and he felt himself getting harder. This was hardly fair. He then felt her sneak a hand down and unzip his pants pulling his hard cock out. She stroked him a few times before moving her panties aside and sinking on top of him. 

"Fuck, Rey."

He started thrusting into her slowly at first, while still trying to concentrate on the race. She was a lovely distraction. 

"You little minx." 

She laughed as she concentrated on the obstacle. He had lost all interest in the game, dropping the controller to the couch. He pulled her shirt above her breasts and started massaging one. His other hand found its way into her panties and started rubbing in swift circles on her clit. 

He circled her nipple with his thumb while sucking bruises into her neck. 

"You're a little cheater, sweetheart. So competitive. You'll do anything to win, huh."

She crossed the finish line and smirked at him over her shoulder.

"I win." 

Kylo pulled the controller out of her hand and threw it on the couch, attacking her mouth. He kissed her like he wanted to devour her. He grabbed her hips and gently lifted her off of him. The next second he had her thrown over his shoulder and making his was to his bedroom. 

He stripped her of her shirt before tossing her onto the bed. Rey shimmied out of her panties while he removed his shirt. Kylo crawled over to her on his hands and knees. Rey jumped up pushing his shoulder back until he was sitting back on his haunches. 

It was her turn to crawl over to him, the sight of her made him even more aroused. She sauntered over to him like a cat stalking her prey. 

"Let's get you out of those pants," she said, as she groped his ass through his sweatpants. 

He moaned involuntarily, but let her make quick work of his pants. She gasped at his lack of underwear. 

"What? It's comfortable." 

"I'm not complaining," she replied.

He pushed her onto her back letting her sink into the pillows at the top of the bed. He settled his body on top of her and kissed her lips then continued to trail kisses down her jaw and neck. He kissed between her breasts and down her stomach until he reached the apex of her thighs. 

He kissed her mound before moving lower to suck her nub between his lips.

"Oh baby, you are so good with your mouth," she gasped out between moans. 

The little sounds she was making only served to encourage him further. He licked between her folds before seizing her clit again. He snuck a finger inside of her, curling it to stroke that special spot inside of her. She bucked uncontrollably into his face. He resorted to using his other arm to hold her hips still. 

She started to quiver beneath him, her little breaths coming out faster. He felt the fluttering sensation on his fingers as her pussy clenched hard. He pulled his fingers out and sucked them clean before settling back on top of her. 

He balanced on his elbows, with his hips slotted between her thighs. Her arms were wrapped around his back and clinging on to his neck. 

A peck on the lips and an admission. 

"I love you Rey."

"I know," she replied. "I love you too."

"What? Really?" He was pleasantly surprised by her own admission.

"Yes. I love you."

He groaned as he rolled his hips against hers allowing him to sink deep inside her. 

"Say it again." 

"I love you Kylo." 

He kissed her again with all the passion he could summon. This perfect woman loves him. She loves him. 

He thrusted a few more times before he found his own release. He pulled out of her but gathered her into his arms. He kissed her brow and closed his eyes settling his head on the pillows. 

"Kylo?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"When can I meet your family."

He opened his eyes wide, of course she would want to meet his family. She had told him that she never knew her family. She grew up in foster care. How could he explain to her that there was a rift between them that hadn't been repaired. 

He could make the effort, if only for her.

"Sweetheart, it may be a little while. But I would love for my family to meet you."

She smiled brightly at him and closed her eyes. 

"Go to sleep Kylo," she whispered into his neck. 

He held her close as he thought about the phone call he would have to make soon, the call to his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my reylo twin Shwtlee. She really wanted to see this artwork by Pissbabysithlord in written form http://pissbabysithlord.tumblr.com/post/155914198502/reylo-playing-video-games-and-reys-beating-kylo
> 
> Check out the artwork because it's fantastic!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo have their first fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with anxiety and depression which are both disorders that I suffer from. 
> 
> This story will have a happy ending, I promise. But our poor Kylo has to go through some things.

It was only a matter of time before they had their first fight, and he was an idiot. It all started a few months prior when she finally introduced him to the men that lived with her. He couldn't help the death stare that graced his face as the two of them hugged her and touched her in a way he felt was far too intimate to be platonic. He let those suspicions fester, terrified that if he brought it up that she would leave him for being an insecure prick. Wasn't he though.

They didn't like him, he hardly made a good impression. His Rey felt conflicted. She wanted her best friends to like him, and he had royally fucked that up. He vowed to himself that he would make a better effort. Anything for his Rey.

He was deep inside her thrusting in time with the pulse of her heartbeat. He interlaced their fingers and brought their joined hands beside either side of her head. He laid gentle kisses across her collarbone and his heart was about to explode with the amount of love he felt for her. His hair tickled her neck and he felt as she sunk her fingers in, grasping handfuls and pulling his head off of her chest to kiss him on the lips. They both came simultaneously and he couldn't help his confession of, "I love you, I love you, I love you." Then came her response, the one that stung and crushed his heart more with every time she resorted to it, "I know."

Ever since that first confession, she had never said it again. He wondered if she regretted it. If she’d said "I love you" in the heat of the moment. She could never love him, he began to realize. He pulled out of her and collapsed beside her in a heap, rolling over on his side to hide the disappointment on his face at the realization. She didn’t love him.

"What's wrong," she asked with worry written in her bright hazel eyes.

Why couldn't she love him? Why wasn't he capable of being loved? He’d never really dated before he met Rey, and that was to protect him from this heartache. No one ever wanted to be with him. They wanted him for his money. He has fallen under her spell, was his love for her enough to satisfy him? Could he live with that? Would she get bored and up and leave him, shattered and picking up the pieces? He felt himself falling into that hole again. That deep, dark, depressive hole that he had dug himself out of years prior.

"Nothing sweetheart, nothing's wrong," he lied.

He couldn't risk losing her, even if it killed him when she inevitably would grow tired of him, and leave him. He held her tight as he rested his head across her breast. He tried to keep his emotions in check but one traitorous tear escaped and landed on her chest. She just held him and stroked her fingers through his hair.

***

Rey was at school, she was going for her Masters in history. She was so intelligent, he really loved her thirst for knowledge. That sinking feeling inside of him began to eat away at his heart. He felt cold and closed off. Worthless, like he couldn't do anything right. She deserved better. She deserved someone that wasn't a fuck up, someone that could be happy. Not someone that couldn't pull himself out of the depression. Not someone that didn't even have a reason to be depressed. His life was good, he had a good job, great friends, and the best girlfriend he could have ever asked for. So why did he feel so dark? Why couldn't he just be happy? She deserved better than him, but he was a selfish man. He couldn’t let her go. The one good constant in his life.

He called Phasma, he needed a fresh perspective. Someone that didn't sugar coat his situation and wouldn't be afraid to tell him what he needed to hear.

"Fuck Kylo, you can't go down that path again," Phasma said.

"I know Phas, I just feel so worthless right now." He was holding back the tears that threatened to spill. He had stopped taking the meds after meeting Rey. He was happier than he had ever been in his entire life, because of her. He didn't think he would need them any longer. How wrong he was.

"Are you still on Lexapro?"

His silence was the answer he couldn't bring himself to admit.

"You idiot. Why would you stop? You knew the last time you went off the meds you sunk into a deep depression. It took everything in me to get you to the doctor and get you the help you needed. Now don't make me call for you. Call your doctor."

"Alright, alright. I will."

They ended the call. His fingers hovered over the number to his doctor. Dr. Kanata. He turned his phone off and placed it in his pocket. The anxiety eating away at his insides. He would call later. Just the thought of making that call made him sick to his stomach. Perhaps later he would feel better about it.

***

Rey was on the phone with Finn in the other room. He wasn't meaning to eavesdrop but he heard what she said into the phone. "I love you too, Finn." She loves Finn? She can tell Finn that she loves him but she has issues telling him? He was fuming and trying to hold in his hurt. She loves him? That traitor. How could she love Finn?

He knocked over the lamp causing it to shatter on the cement floor of his apartment. Rey came rushing out to see what had happened.

"Kylo, what happened? What's wrong?"

He looked at her with pain in his heart. He had kept this in for far too long. He needed to know for sure how she felt.

"You love him?"

She gaped at him and seethed with anger.

"You were listening to my private conversation? Who do you think you are? You don't own me."

"Oh Rey, I'm well aware of that. I overhead you telling him what you can't ever tell me. The only time you ever told me that was after sex. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"The first time you told me that was after sex," she retorted.

"That's different Rey, I tell you all the time. I love you more than anything and anyone but you can't even say it to me. You regretted it, I can tell."

"That's not true," she stammered. "I do. I just, I can't talk about this right now."

She started grabbing for her purse and made to move towards the door. He grabbed her arm roughly.

"We're not done yet," he yelled. "Is this a game to you? Are you in this because it's fun? Because I have money and I buy you things? Is that it Rey? Is it fun to watch me hopelessly in love with you when you don't return those feelings?"

"Fuck you," she cried as she slapped him across the face leaving him alone in his apartment.

Shit. He had lost her, he had really lost her this time.

He began to panic as he chased after her.

"Rey, Rey, sweetheart wait."

She turned around and glared at him. He never knew she could look at him with such venom. He had truly hurt her, he was an idiot.

"I need some space, you’re suffocating me," she replied.

"Suffocating you? Rey, what?"

"Yes suffocating Kylo. I can't get a moment of peace without you clinging to me. I can't hang out with my roommates without you staring daggers at them. They are gay Kylo, Jesus. You shouldn't be threatened by them."

He felt like he had been slapped by her again. He knew that his reaction towards her roommates was irrational, but that didn't stop the jealously from swirling in his gut. 

"Wait, Rey. Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I really didn't."

"You may be sorry that you said it, but obviously you feel that way Kylo. I can't even look at you right now."

"Wait, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, and I'm just... I'm just... insecure. Please Rey."

"I can't do this right now Kylo."

"Rey, wait please. Please let me explain."

She relented and crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him with pain and annoyance written on her face. 

"I have... intrusive thoughts. All the time. It's irrational, and I'm sorry. I should have thought before I spoke. I should have realized that it was the anxiety talking. Please sweetheart, let's go back upstairs."

She sighed and grabbed him behind the neck to pull him down in a kiss.

"I do love you Kylo. Please know that, but I need some time."

His heart was breaking, he had hurt her. He had hurt his Rey. He watched her walk away from him. He hoped he could make it up to her. He had to prove to her that he was worthy of her.

***

It had been a week. Every night he texted her before bed to let her know he loved her. She never returned those texts. He hadn't heard anything from her. She really needed space from him. Having knowledge of that prospect hurt. He needed her, but she didn't need him.

He took leave from work. The clubs were up and running, they didn't need him breathing down their necks. And at the moment, he didn't feel like getting out of his bed. He couldn't bring himself to eat more than one meal a day, leaving his bed to eat leftover pizza and sinking back into the blankets. His safe haven.

A knock on his door woke him from his deep sleep. His room was dark with the black-out curtains drawn closed. He didn't even know what time it was. He jumped out of bed hoping that it was Rey at the other side of the door.

Before opening the door, he tried to smooth down his tangled mess of hair to no avail. After admitting defeat he opened the door to find Phasma.

"Oh. Hey."

"Pleased to see you too, you look like shit."

"Thanks," he replied with a bite to his words.

She walked past him and gave him that look that told him she wasn't taking any shit from him.

"I'm assuming by the state of your attire and the circles under your eyes, that you haven't heeded my advice and called your fucking doctor. Why haven't you Kylo?"

He sighed and collapsed on his couch with his hands over his eyes.

"I fucked up Phas, I lost her."

"Kylo, we aren't talking about that right now. She still loves you, trust me for once. But right now you need to call your doctor. I'm not leaving your apartment until you do. I will move in here Kylo, don't even try me. Call your doctor."

"Fine," he said while grabbing his phone.

He excused himself, shutting the door to his bedroom for some privacy while he made the call. He listened as the phone rang on the other end before an older accented voice answered.

"Ben Solo."

Well that's a name he hadn't heard in a while.

"Dr. Kanata."

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

He sucked in a breath before responding.

"I was hoping to come in for a therapy session, and to get my prescription refilled."

"Ben, you haven't been to therapy in over a year, and now you’re off your medication? You know well enough that you need to be doing either one or the other. Never neither. Hold on one second." He heard her shifting around on the other side of the phone. "Okay, I have my calendar up now. When is the best time for you to come in?"

He scheduled an appointment and hung up, putting the date into his calendar on his phone. Phasma was waiting on his couch with her hand out palm facing up.

"Here." He handed her the phone.

She checked his recent calls to make sure he indeed had called Dr. Kanata. She smiled briefly before returning him his phone and hugging him.

"We will get through this, Kylo."

"Mmmhmm," he replied.

"Alright, take a shower and get dressed. I'm taking you out to lunch, and I'm not taking no for an answer. Get moving."

"Alright, alright," he acquiesced.

He thought about Rey and what he could possibly do to win her back. The first step was to get the help he needed, and then he would make it up to her. He wanted to see her hazel eyes, to kiss those pink lips. He missed her and he wondered if she missed him as well.

He thought intently about what he could do to win back her affections. It came to him suddenly, about three months ago she had asked to meet his family. He hadn't made that call yet. He wanted to, for her. Maybe now would be the right time. The thought of calling his mother after everything that had happened made him want to vomit, but he would do it for Rey. He would do anything for Rey.

Maybe this was his way of proving to her that he was worthy. He could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Perry Downing for being my beta for this chapter and for talking this out with me. 
> 
> Blame Perry for the angst lol! Kidding.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo goes to therapy and deals with the side effects of his new medication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a flashback scene in this chapter.

The nervous jiggling of his foot knocking against the chair was a distraction from the eerily quiet waiting room. He had tried to make any excuse not to come here. It was a blizzard, or he really should be checking in on one of the clubs, or his car really needed to be looked at before driving in the snow. But Phasma wasn't having any of it. She arrived at his apartment on the day of his appointment with coffee and a bagel that she shoved into his hands.

"I'm driving," she told him.

She had dropped him off in front of the therapist office and promised to pick him up once he was done. And that's how he ended up here in the waiting room, nervously checking his watch or glancing at his phone to give his hands something to do.

He opened up his texts to view the last that had been said between him and Rey. He hadn't seen her since their fight, but she did finally text him back to let him know how she was doing. She wanted to talk to him, but she told him she wasn't quite ready to see him yet. Apparently she still needed more time, which he found ridiculous. Hadn't it been long enough? He hadn't seen her warm smile in almost two weeks. He hasn't been able to wrap his arms around her lithe body or hear her sweet voice in what felt like forever.

He missed waking up in her arms, in her comforting embrace. He missed their conversations in the darkness of his bedroom. Holding hands under the covers and speaking in soft whispers about anything. About _everything_. He missed the smell of her hair, the flowery shampoo scent that she showered with. He missed how she would wake him up with a peck on the lips. He missed her bright smile and her little giggles when he said something she thought was funny.

Overall, he missed her. He wanted her back in his life. If that meant he had to be alone for a little while, because its what she needs, then he will suffer through it. Anything for his Rey.

He glanced at the pictures he has saved on his phone. His background is a picture of Rey at the Blackhawks game. His seats are right at the glass at center ice. The picture is of Rey with her thumbs up as one of the players on the other team was checked into the glass. He can't help the grin that comes across his face. That was their first date official date. He hoped he would have the opportunity to take her on more dates. He mentally started listing off places he would like to take her.

"Ben Solo, Dr. Kanata will see you now."

Thoughts interrupted, he quickly pocketed his phone as he was led back to Dr. Kanata's office.

***

The small older woman seated behind her desk looked up as Kylo entered the room. It had been a little over a year since he had been to therapy.

"Ben," she said as she stood up to walk around the desk. The tiny woman gave him a quick hug before continuing, "It's so good to see you again. So what brings you back to therapy?"

Kylo rubbed his hands nervously up and down his thighs as he searched for the right words.

"I thought I was okay, my anxiety and depression were under control. My life, it seemed to actually be on track for the first time. I stopped taking the pills, because I thought I was okay. I thought I was normal and that I could cope with this on my own."

Kylo looked down at his hands shamefully. Ashamed at the fact that he can't function like a normal person without the aid of pills. Ashamed that he is a prisoner in his own mind. Always with the push and pull, the constant battle against irrationality and complete hopelessness. He would never be normal.

A memory of his father came to mind. The accusations, the misunderstandings, and the blame.

_"I just don't understand why you can't be happy Ben? What do you even have to be sad about? There are so many people that have it worse off than you. If you really wanted to be happy you would do something about it."_

_He never tried to explain himself, what would it matter? In they eyes of his father, he was an anomaly, and that's all he would ever be._

_Later that night Ben hesitantly crept down the stairs to listen to his parents heated argument. He hid behind the doorframe._

_"He's just not normal Leia. He's nothing like me, how am I supposed to understand him?"_

_"Will you be quiet, what if he hears you? Your his father for gods sake, you find something to bond with him over."_

_"The kid needs help Leia. I can't help him. I just wish he were normal."_

_"How can you say that Han? There is nothing wrong with our boy."_

_"You are never here Leia, too busy with your politics to see what I see. Send him to your brother. He should know how to deal with him."_

_"I guess I can call Luke. I still don't like the idea of sending him away though."_

_"Just talk to Luke."_

_Ben heard the clomping of footsteps and the slam of the front door._

He remembers the aching feeling of rejection. They didn't want him. He was too troubled, too fucked in the head, and they just sent him away, like a misbehaved puppy.

The gentle voice of Dr. Kanata brought him back to the present.

"What is normal anyway? Normal is boring. No, you are something else. You are extraordinary. You along with so many others are dealing with mental illness. Remember that you are not alone, you are never alone in this."

He nodded his agreement. Even if he didn't see the truth in her words, it was reassuring to hear them.

"There is nothing wrong with taking medication. I'm going to prescribe you Lexapro again, that one worked well for you last time didn't it?"

"Yes, yes it worked well."

"Do you want to talk about anything specific? Your triggers?"

"Well, you know from my past that change is a contributing factor to my anxiety. With my parents- well you know how that situation went. I like my routine, I like the comfort of knowing what to expect. I like to have everything organized in the way that I'm used to. It makes me feel secure."

Dr. Kanata nodded her head and replied, "That is a normal reaction given your background. Being ripped from a life you had grown accustomed to and having to start over somewhere unfamiliar. Have there been some changes in your life that could be stirring up these feelings of abandonment?"

"Yes and no," he said.

"So who's the girl?"

Kylo's head snapped up to attention. What? How could she possibly know?

She chuckled as she pointed to his phone that he didn't even realize he was thumbing in his hands. His background image was staring back at him. A bright smile crossed his face.

"That's Rey. She's perfect."

Dr. Kanata smiled back at him. "Would you like to talk more about her?"

"Yes, yes I really would."

***

"Which pharmacy is your prescription being sent to? I'll drive you there," Phasma said.

He was just opening the car door and sliding into his seat. The warm heat of the car was a welcome change to the frigid temperatures outside that had numbed his face.

"Walgreens on East Eerie."

***

Back at his apartment, Kylo sat outside on his balcony with his back against the sliding glass door. The wind was excruciating, freezing and biting into his bones. He didn't care, it helped to ground him. It made him actually feel something.

He held the crumpled package of his prescription in his lap. In his other hand was the little glass of scotch he brought out with him. He looked at it before knocking it back. The liquid burned his throat.

He reluctantly rose from the ground to go back inside. It was far too cold to stay out there any longer. He shuffled the snow off of his boots before leaving them by the door. He tossed the glass into the sink, not caring when he heard it shatter.

His body was still chilled from the frigid weather outside. Kylo headed towards his shower, the hot water would held to warm his body and clear his thoughts.

Closing the door to the bathroom he undressed and placed his clothing in the hamper. He started the shower making the setting to the hottest it would go. He pulled the glass door of the shower open and climbed into the large space. The water pressure in his shower was harsh. The water beat down relentlessly on his head and shoulders. He quickly washed his hair and body.

Sometimes, Kylo couldn't believe how fucking stupid he could be. Accusing Rey the way he had. Losing her because of his irrational fucking brain. Angry with himself he began punching the wall over and over until his knuckles bleed. The water stung the wounds and he watched as his blood swirled down the drain. He turned the water off and grabbed a towel hanging outside of the shower. He wrapped the towel around his waist and walked to his bedroom. Rifled through his dresser to find a long sleeve black shirt and a pair of dark grey sweatpants.

He made his way over to the fireplace, grabbing the logs stacked next to the hearth. He always enjoyed using the fireplace. He loved the smell of the burnt wood and the sound of the crackling fire. It was comforting, like a lovers embrace.

Like Rey.

_Pathetic_. _Worthless_. No wonder she isn't talking to you or seeing you.

Kylo felt his thoughts grow darker and more loathsome. He checked the time and saw that it was 8:30 p.m. Might as well go ahead and take his pill. He pushed himself off of the ground and grabbed the prescription package off of the kitchen counter. He tore into the package and fingered the container of pills.

With a glass of water in his hand and the pill bottle in the other, he walked swiftly to his bedroom. He opened the pill bottle and took out one white, round pill. He popped it into his mouth and took a swig of water to wash it down. 10 mg once daily would be his new routine. He left the pill bottle on his nightstand.

Grabbing a blanket from his bed, he walked back to the living room and curled up on his couch. His mind was racing and he really needed to have a distraction. He grabbed the remote and turned on the tv. Maybe a Netflix marathon would suffice.

Rey had mentioned watching a new Netflix show with him, _Stranger Things_. He wanted to wait for her to watch it though, so he browsed his queue for something that would entertain him. He selected something called _Broadchurch_ and settled into the cushions of the couch.

***

Three days had passed, and the medications side effects were starting to show; loss of appetite, insomnia, and nausea.

He often found himself waking up at three in the morning; blankets bunched up around his legs, tossing and turning until he had to be up in the morning.

It's for the best. The medicine will start to work soon; these things take time.

He felt like he was moving in slow motion. Everything was foggy and out of focus. He couldn't even remember what he had done the past few days. He had returned to work, he knew that much. The specifics seemed to escape him.

He checked his watch. It was 8:30 and that meant it was time for his dosage.

While in his bedroom taking his pill, he heard a knock on the door. Annoyance ran through him at the intrusion. Who could possibly be at the door at this time? Phasma was surely at the bar, Rey wasn't talking to him, and no one else would disturb him at his home without good reason.

He walked towards the door with purpose.

"What," he yelled gruffly as he swung open the front door. His eyes widened in shock at the sight of Rey standing in the doorway.

"Hi," she said meekly.

"Rey, sweetheart?"

He wanted to tell her everything. How sorry he was and how he was getting help, but the words refused to form in his mouth. Instead he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against his chest. He buried his face in her hair inhaling her sweet scent.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Rey," he cried into her shoulder.

She lifted his head off of her shoulder in order to look into his eyes. He felt her use her thumb to wipe away the tears before leaning in to press a kiss to his lips.

"I'm sorry too Kylo. I'm ready to talk now, if you are."

"Yes sweetheart, anything. Anything."

He grabbed her hands as he led her inside.

"Do you want something to drink or eat?"

She shook her head. She was being awfully quiet, he noticed. His mind suddenly flashed with all the possibilities of her silence. Was she still hurt? Was she about to end this? Oh god, was she about to leave him, for good?

"Kylo we need to talk."

His heart dropped at the tone in her voice, it could only mean _one_ thing. He hoped he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change is a trigger for my anxiety, I thought it fit well with what happened to Ben Solo in canon. I'm sorry if Han and Leia seem like awful parents. They were neglectful in tfa, but when you translate that to a modern au they come off as so much worse. 
> 
> Sorry about the cliffhanger. I will say, right now Kylo is dealing with a lot of paranoia. This story is written in his POV so keep that in mind <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey have finally have their talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me cry. I'm sorry.

"You look tired Kylo. You look thin too. Have you been sleeping? Eating?"

He felt nauseous, but for a completely different reason. She had said they needed to talk. That couldn't be good.

"Kylo?"

"Hm, oh. It's the meds, love. They make me nauseous. Haven't been sleeping well either. It's normal, it will even out."

She looked worried. If she was worried that meant she cared, right?

"Let's go sit on the couch," she said as she grabbed his hands. She led him over to his couch and curled up beside him with her hand clasped with both of his. Her other hand laid lightly on his thigh.

"I'm getting help. I'm getting better, love. I promise," he pleaded.

"Shh, I know. I know baby. Listen, I needed time to think. What you said about me only being with you because of your money, that hurt."

"I'm sorry, Rey. I really didn't mean it."

"I know, but I need you to listen right now. Can you do that for me?"

He nodded and looked down at her small hand held between his, a nervous churning in the pit of his stomach. His heart started to flutter intensely and he was beginning to feel sick. No, no, no. She couldn't see him like this. She couldn't witness his panic attack. Weak. He was weak.

"I'll be right back," he whispered as he excused himself.

He felt lightheaded as he made his way over to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him before resting his back against the wall. He slid down until he was sitting on the tile floor. The tears flowed freely now. He sunk further onto the tiles until his cheek made contact. The cool floor pressed against his face helped to ground him.

His thoughts raced. Little snippets of his life. _Abandonment_. _Disappointment_. _Failure_.

He tried to remember to breath. He thought he heard a knock on the bathroom door. He stayed on the ground. Suddenly he felt hands lifting his head and placing him on toned thighs. He felt fingers in his hair and soothing whispers.

"It's going to be okay, I'm here. You're okay. I love you. I love you."

He opened his eyes wide in shock. Could she? Could she really? Even with all his faults, all his issues.

"Truly?" He found himself asking.

"Yes, yes Kylo. Yes. I do, I love you."

He lifted himself up on shaking arms so he could look in her face. Her hazel eyes were shining at him. She closed the distance between them and kissed him deeply. He felt her soft tongue swiping his lower lip. She kissed him once more before pulling away.

"Let's get you in the shower. That should help you feel better right?"

"Only if you join me," he smirked.

"That's the idea," she replied while pulling her shirt over her head.

Kylo bit his lip as he watched Rey strip for him. She took each article of clothing off slowly, making sure he was watching as each piece hit the floor. Once she was completely nude in front of him, she walked over to help him take his shirt and sweatpants off.

He was already embarrassingly hard. He tried to hold his hands in front of himself to hide his arousal. Rey wasn't having it, she pressed her body against his and started feasting on his neck.

The press of her naked breasts against his chest made him groan. He had missed his Rey. She gave his neck a little nip before pulling away. She stepped away from him to open the shower door and set the water to the right temperature.

He moved behind her and grabbed her around the waist pulling her lithe body against his. His erection pressed into her back. Kylo pressed his lips against her neck, sucking bruises into her skin.

"You are so beautiful, darling."

She reached her hand up to sink into his hair.

"I love you," she said.

Oh she said it again, she loves him. He longed to hear those words...

"Oh please, say it again. I need to hear that again."

"I love you Kylo. I love you."

***

In the shower, she laid her head on his chest as they swayed under the cascading water. He ran his hands up and down her slick back. Kylo tried to suppress the sob that was building in his chest. The ache in his heart was still there, he still felt broken and useless.

He squeezed her body tightly to his chest and buried his face in her wet hair. He laid his forehead down on her shoulder as he finally let the tears fall, there was no point in trying to stay strong. He was breaking and she was here. That was all that really mattered.

His chest shook with the intensity of his sobs. He felt Rey's small arms reach around his shoulders, hugging him close. One of her hands tangled in his hair while the other rubbed along his upper back.

"Oh Kylo, I'm so sorry."

She stroked his hair and planted a kiss on his shoulder.

"I was selfish, I shouldn't have left you like this for so long. You needed me and I was too self involved to see that."

Kylo lifted his head to look her in the eyes.

"No sweetheart, you had your reasons. I was overbearing."

His heart clenched at the memory of her words. _You're_ _suffocating_ _me_. How could she blame herself when he was the one at fault?

"Stop Kylo, quit taking all of the blame. I was horrible, I didn't listen to you. I didn't let you explain. I didn't take into account that you're... sick."

Sick? She thinks he's sick? _Failure_. _Broken_. _Disappointment_.

"So what, I'm damaged goods," he asked as he turned away from her. He leaned his head against the tiled shower wall. He felt her arms wrap around his waist. Her head leaned against the spot between his shoulder blades.

"Never Kylo, never. You know I don't think that. That's your anxiety talking. Baby, look at me. Please."

He kept his head pressed against the wall, tiny fingers brushed his cheek pulling his head towards her. She cupped his face with both of her hands before leaning in to kiss his lips.

"Let me wash your hair Kylo. Let me take care of you."

He cried into her shoulder as she washed their bodies. She threaded her nimble fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. He tilted his head back to rinse his hair, Rey pressed small kisses on his jaw as he watched the suds go down the drain.

***

Kylo was wrapped in a blanket sitting on his couch waiting for Rey to come back from the kitchen. She arrived carrying to mugs of hot herbal tea. She handed him one of the mugs and sat down beside him.

"I wanted to talk to you Kylo, I want to explain myself a little. I feel awful about the way I left things."

He sipped his tea as she continued.

"You know that I grew up in foster care, I never knew my family. So I've never had anyone that showed me affection. I always relied on myself. I didn't need anyone. I had a hard time expressing how I feel about you. I understand now, how hurtful that must have been. As for Finn, he's my oldest friend. I love him as a brother. But you, I am _in_ love with you."

Kylo grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips to lay kisses along her wrist.

"I hope you don't mind, but your friend Phasma contacted me."

Kylo's eyes grew wide. Why? Why would Phasma contact Rey, and behind his back?

"She's just worried about you Kylo, she helped me to understand that you aren't well. I realize now that you needed support. I wasn't there for you, but I'll be here now. I promise. She told me about your medicine and mentioned that you are going to therapy. That's really great Kylo. I'm so proud of you."

He looked down at his mug.

"Oh please, don't look away," she said.

He looked at her; he probably looked a mess with his red swollen eyes. She was here, she loves him, she cares.

"I need you," he whispered.

She laid her mug down on the coffee table before climbing into his lap, without another word. They kissed passionately. Her tongue danced against his, licking the seam of his lips. He nipped her bottom lip while he ran his hands down her back until he reached her ass. She ground her hips down against his and he felt himself growing hard again.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and the other held her bottom as he lifted them off the couch. He walked them to his bedroom and placed her softly on the bed. He kissed her again, oh how he could kiss her for hours.

She sat up and pulled off her shirt and bra, he settled himself back on top of her. Kylo grabbed her breasts and kissed his way around her nipple before finally taking it into his mouth. He sucked and licked at her nipple before pulling off. He kissed his way over to her other nipple and laved at it before giving it a gentle suck.

He stood up and removed his clothing. Rey shimmied out of her pants and underwear. Kylo climbed back on the bed and put his arms around around her waist pulling her against him. He could feel her heart beating in sync with his own.

"Lay down on your back, let me take care of you," she whispered.

He rested his back against the pillows as she climbed onto his lap. She reached between them to grab his erection. She was already wet, he could feel her slick folds caressing up and down his length. She balanced herself with one hand on his shoulder and the other lined him up before she sunk to the hilt on top of him.

Kylo arched his back at the sensation of being inside her once again. Beautiful, beautiful woman. She rose up and slammed her hips against his. He grabbed onto her breasts as she rode him faster.

"Wait, wait," he found himself saying as he slowed her hips.

"Please, let me... let me make love to you."

She furrowed her brow but nodded at him. Kylo rose up to meet her and kissed her long and hard on the mouth. He flipped them over so she was on her back. He pushed back inside her slow and sensually. Each push and pull of their bodies made his heart beat faster. She felt exquisite. Lovely, beautiful, divine.

He kissed the corner of her mouth, her brow, her eyelids, and her nose. His Rey. His lovely Rey.

She ran her hands down his back, grabbing his ass to pull him closer, deeper into her body. He sped up his thrusts as she moaned his name. He could tell she was getting close, she clinched tightly around his cock causing him to groan into her shoulder.

"More Kylo, please more."

He grabbed her hips and thrusted into her faster, deeper. Her little mouth hung open in a gasp. She was glorious like this, his queen, his savior.

His fingers were digging into her hips as he felt his approaching orgasm. She hadn't yet though, but before he could do anything about it he was coming deep inside her. He pulled out of her and collapsed onto of her chest.

"I'm sorry Rey, let me pleasure you. I'm sorry I couldn't wait for you."

"Kylo, this was about you. I don't need to--"

He moved down her body and spread her legs apart before giving her a smirk. He kissed her mound before moving lower licking her folds. He could taste his come inside her, he hardly cared when she was writhing and moaning in pleasure under his tongue. He sucked her clit into his mouth as she came. He gave her one last kiss to her sensitive nub before crawling over her and laying on his side. He pulled her to his chest and kissed her lips.

"I love you Rey."

"I love you too Kylo."

There, she said it again.

"I love hearing you say that," he told her between kisses.

"I do, I love you," she replied.

His heart soared. She was here, she loves him, and she wanted to take care of him. For the first time in a long while, he felt as if everything would finally be okay.

He laid his head on her chest as her fingers played with his hair. He fell asleep to the sound of her heart and the warmth of her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates. I have been working on a special story with no Tumblr wife Shwtlee. It's a modern Actors au inspired by Adam's Super Bowl commercial, and its reylo. You can read "Desperado: The American Outlaw" here http://archiveofourown.org/works/9640082/chapters/21778193


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo visits the doctor, Rey has a surprise for Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't even looked over this chapter. It's shorter than normal and I hope there aren't too many mistakes. I just really wanted to get this out there for you guys.

“I'm upping you to 20 mg a day, 10 mg is really too low of a dose for you.”

The lexapro had really helped his depression immensely. His anxiety however, remained a constant simmering in the background of his mind. That whisper of uncertainty that plagued his every decision. 

Kylo opened up to Dr. Kanata about his continued anxiety attacks. The medicine should have been working; yet his mind had to be difficult. She reassured him that upping his dosage should fix all of those problems. He could only hope she was correct. 

He nodded as he left her office; he had another appointment in six weeks to see how he was adjusting to the medicine. Kylo was not looking forward to experiencing the nausea amongst the other sides effects again. His body has just gotten used to the 10 mg. 

Rey was waiting for him in the lobby; a magazine on her lap. She closed the magazine and rose with a smile on her pretty lips. The magazine was left abandoned on the chair as she wrapped her small arms around his neck. She lifted herself up on her tiptoes to press a sweet kiss upon his lips. Kylo let his thumbs rub up and down her ribcage. She was here, she was supporting him. He couldn't ask for a better woman to have in his life. Rey was simply perfect. 

They walked to his car hand in hand. Their gloved fingers interlaced together. Kylo admitted to himself that it was nice having her here with him. He appreciated Phasma for all she has ever done; however, having Rey here, that meant the world to him.

He opened the door for her, making sure she was settled inside before closing it behind her. He walked around to the driver's side and squeezed in behind the wheel. Rey was glancing at him with that worried look of hers. The one where her brows furrowed and her hazel eyes grew three times their normal size. 

“What is it sweetheart?” He asked as he clutched her cheek in his hand. 

“What did Dr. Kanata say?

“She wrote a new prescription for me. I'll still be on Lexapro, 20 mg instead of 10. It's for the best, this way I'll be back to normal. You shouldn't worry. I'll be just fine.” 

He gave her a weak smile.

“Really sweetheart, I'll be fine.” 

She relaxed into her seat and placed her hand on his knee. 

“You will be, and I'll be here to help you through this. I won't leave you again Kylo. I feel terrible that you were alone last time.”

He leaned forward and kissed her lips, slipping his tongue into her mouth. She kissed him back passionately. He wanted nothing more than to rip her clothes off and fuck her right here in his car. Forcing himself to pull away took great restraint. He could be a patient man, he could couldn't he?

Rey smiled at him knowingly. She would be the death of him. 

***

Kylo had Rey pressed against the door to his apartment, sucking kisses into her neck. He pulled off with a loud pop before digging into his pocket for his keys. 

She slapped his hand away and made a point to rub him through his pants before slipping her hand into his back pocket and retrieving his keys. She jangled them in front of his face before turning and unlocking his door. 

The minx. 

He followed behind her grabbing her hips and trailing his lips along her slim neck and shoulder. She tossed his keys and the paper bag holding his new prescription onto the kitchen counter before turning around to kiss him deeply. 

“I have a surprise for you,” she whispered. 

“Oh really?”

“Mhmm. Go sit on your bed. I'll meet you in there.”

“Alright.” He agreed before smirking at her and making his way into his bedroom. 

What could she possibly be planning? He wondered. Kylo sat on the edge of the bed facing towards the door of his bedroom. He relaxed onto his elbows leaning back against the mattress. He jiggled his feet in anticipation. 

Kylo heard a small knock on the door and soon after it opened just a crack. 

“Are you ready for your surprise?” She asked. All that he could see was the tiny fingers of her hand wrapped around the edge of the door. 

“Yes ma’am,” Kylo replied. 

She pushed the door open and waltzed toward him slowly. Rey was wearing… a beautiful red and black kimono esque robe. It was entirely see through and opened in the front, the fabric just barely covering her perky tits. She wore a matching red thong with black lace around the edges. His mouth dropped open at the very sight of her. 

“I take it you like what you see?”

He closed his mouth and tried to respond eloquently, yet what he uttered made him tense in embarrassment.

“I want to fuck you so hard that you scream my name loud enough for the neighbors to hear.” 

She stifled a laugh as he buried his head in his hands. 

“Is that so?”

He didn't remove his hands from his face but nodded in affirmation. He felt her tiny hands grasp his wrists. She pulled his hands away from his face before climbing into his lap. She straddled him, resting her knees on the mattress. 

“You've been so good Kylo, getting better, taking back control of your life.” 

She ground her hips against his causing him to harden in his pants. 

“You’ve been so good, do you like your surprise?”

“Fuck yes sweetheart. Please, let me fuck you.”

He pushed the sides of the robe off of her shoulders to expose her beautiful breasts. Her fingers sunk into his hair, tugging lightly. He gently cupped her breasts, squishing them together and kissing his way down her cleavage.

“So very beautiful,” he said before sealing his lips around her nipple and tugging lightly. Rey shrugged off the robe and tossed it into the laundry basket, leaving her in just her little red panties. She pulled his shirt over his head and tugged at his jeans. 

“I want these off.”

He loved when she took charge. Rey slid off his lap to lay on the bed. Kylo jumped up to shed his pants and underwear. He grabbed Rey’s thighs and pulled her down to the edge of the bed. She let out a little squeak of surprise by the sudden movement. And if that wasn't the sweetest sound. 

Kylo dipped his head to press kisses along her hip bone. He grabbed the fabric of her thong between his teeth as he slowly drug her panties down her thighs and off of her body. He dropped the panties onto the floor before taking in her gloriously naked body. 

“What do you want sweetheart? How can I please you?” He asked as he brushed her hair out of her eyes. 

“Oh no, no. This is supposed to be about you babe.”

This glorious woman.

He lined his cock up to her entrance and pushed in to the hilt. He grabbed both of her legs and threw them over his shoulders. Each push and pull of their bodies sent tingles up his spine. 

Her breasts shook with each thrust he took. Her pretty mouth hung open as she moaned. 

“Oh sweetheart, you feel so good. I'm not going to last long,” Kylo groaned. He slid his thumb against her clit rubbing circles on the sensitive nub. 

“Come on sweetheart, come for me. I want to feel you come on my cock.”

“Yes, yes, yes, Kylo.”

She grabbed his neck as her entire body tensed up. Her walls clamped around his cock milking him of his orgasm. They shuttered together, losing themselves to their respective releases. 

Kylo pulled out of her and collapsed on the bed beside her. 

“You are so lovely Rey. I love you so very much.” 

“I love you too Kylo.”

His heart swelled with affection for his Rey.

***

Kylo woke up to the all too familiar sensation of nausea. These side effects took absolutely no time to come into effect. He pushed back the sheets and walked quietly to the bathroom closing the door behind him in order to not disturb Rey’s sleep. 

He gripped the toilet as he dry heaved. Weak he thought. Weak and pathetic. No, that's the anxiety. It's just the anxiety. He heaved again before vomiting stomach acid. He felt a hand rubbing his back and another brushing his hair behind his ear. Looking over his shoulder he glanced into Rey’s sleepy eyes. 

“You should go back to bed, I'm fine Rey. Just the pills.”

She shook her head at him, “You don’t have to be alone in this Kylo. I'm not leaving you.”

She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before pressing her forehead into his. 

He turned his head and heaved into the toilet again. Rey continued to rub his back, comforting him with her warmth. 

“I'm sorry sweetheart. I'm sorry you have to see me like this.”

She pulled his head against her chest and stroked his hair. Whispering words of encouragement as she scratched his scalp with her nails. 

“Stop thinking like that Kylo.”

He buried his head into her neck, the smell of her shampoo sending shivers up his spine. Lovely Rey. So beautiful and kind. 

“Come on, let's get you back in bed.”

He followed behind as she led him back to their bed. Sliding under the covers and pulling her warm body into his chest. He nuzzled her neck before pressing a kiss into her sternum. 

“I love you Rey.”

“I love you too baby.”

He would never tire of hearing that. For the first time in a while, he felt happy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo makes a difficult phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter took so long. I was really fighting some writers block. I hope this is worth the wait.

A few months had passed and Kylo started to feel normal again. Rey had been more than supportive. She soothed him when he felt sick from his medication. She was calm and understanding when he would have an anxiety attack. She went to every follow-up appointment with his doctor, waiting in the lobby for him to come back out.

They made love frequently; it was as if they couldn't get enough of each other. Kylo loved the feeling of being wrapped up in her warmth, it was the kind of comfort he could only dream of.

He wanted to do something for her; something to prove that he appreciated everything that she had done for him. He knew ultimately what she would want. It would be difficult, but she was worth it.

He picked up his cell phone and scrolled down to the name ‘Leia Organa-Solo.’ It was time to call his mother.

***

He contemplated hanging up before the phone even began to ring. But no, this was something he needed to do, _had_ to do.

He paced his apartment nervously; his heart raced with each ring of the phone. Then he heard the sound of the line being picked up.

“Hello Ben?”

His mother sounded frantic. She must have assumed the worst. He couldn't blame her. He couldn't even remember the last time he had spoken to her.

“Mother,” he practically whispered.

“What's wrong, did something happen to you? Are you ill? Are you hurt?”

_Mentally ill and I've been hurt for a long time._

“I'm fine. I wanted to…” forming the words in his mouth was a difficult feat, “come for a visit.”

There was nothing but silence on the other end of the phone. Kylo could have sworn he could hear the time passing by as he waited for a response.

“Forgive me if I don't believe the sincerity; how long has it been Ben?”

He felt his anger rise, it wasn't _his_ fault that he isolated himself from _them_. They had sent _him_ away. They had shipped him off like an unwanted puppy. Too much trouble for what he was worth. In their eyes he was damaged and they didn't take the time to understand what was really going on. He didn't want to forgive them for that; he still wouldn't forgive them if it were up to him. But Rey, she wants to meet his family. Beautiful Rey with no family of her own. He was doing this for Rey, not for them.

“This isn't about us. This is about the woman I love wanting to meet my family.”

Her voice suddenly changed from cold and calculating to warm and friendly.

“Love Ben? You're in love? Of course I want to meet her.”

It was his turn to remain silent. He worried about what he would say if he were to be pushed too hard.

“What's her name?”

“Rey, her name is Rey. And she's perfect. I'm sure you will love her.”

***

The conversation only lasted all of five minutes; yet as soon as Kylo hung up the phone he rushed to the bathroom and emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

He held the rim as he heaved again. Rey appeared at the door rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“What's wrong babe? Are you sick?”

He closed the lid and flushed the toilet before heading to the sink. He grabbed his toothbrush and the toothpaste as he answered her.

“No, I uh. I called my mom.”

Rey’s eyes widened.

“You did what?”

He swallowed as he squeezed the toothpaste on his brush.

“I called her, we will be going to see them this weekend.”

Kylo turned his back to face the sink. He began brushing his teeth when he felt Rey's arms wrap around his waist. Her head was pressed against his shoulder blades.

“Oh babe, you didn't have to do that.”

Kylo spit out the toothpaste and wiped his mouth off on a hand towel. He turned around and grabbed her cheeks. He placed a light kiss on her lips.

“I did it for you, I'd do anything for you. I love you Rey.”

“And I really love you. I can't believe you did that.”

Kylo nuzzled her nose with his.

“We don't have to go, if talking to your parents makes you sick. I just can't imagine what it would be like for you. I can't expect that of you.”

He stifled a small sob, “But you want a family. They will love you Rey. Anybody would love you, given the opportunity.”

Her eyes welled up with tears of her own.

“No sweetheart, don't cry,” he said as he wiped away her tears.

She buried her head into his neck, reaching around to wrap her arms around his shoulders. Kylo let one arm wrap around her waist while the other ran up and down her back in soothing strokes.

“I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I realized how much I love you. How lucky I am to have met you. I hope you know that.”

She kissed the space where his shoulder met his neck.

“Let's go back to bed Rey, it's still early.”

He grabbed her hand and led her back to the bedroom. He pressed another kiss to her lips before he pulled the blankets out of the way for her to lay down. Kylo joined her in bed and wrapped her in his arms.

He left lazy kisses along her back and shoulders.

He fell asleep with the warmth of her back pressed up against his chest.

***

The light peeked through the crack in Kylo's blackout curtains; shining across his face between his eyes and bisecting his face. He stretched the arm that was draped over Rey’s waist. His other arm was under her head and was starting to lose feeling.

He traced his fingers along the smooth skin of her side; raising her shirt as he made his way to her breast.

He cupped her breast and started massaging her flesh. Rey's breath came out in steady puffs against his arm. She was still in a deep sleep. He let his hand abandon her breast in order to smooth down the expanse of her taut stomach. His hand froze on her lower stomach. Kylo slipped his fingers under the band of her panties. He let his hand sneak down further until his fingers brushed over her clit.

Rey twitched but remained asleep. He rubbed smooth circles around her clit which caused her to buck her hips into his hand. Her eyes fluttered open as he continued to pleasure her with his fingers.

“Goodmorning sweetheart,” he said.

Her mouth hung open in pleasure as she moaned. Kylo moved his fingers from her clit to drag up and down her slit.

“So wet for me. Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Oh, yes Kylo. Please.”

He turned her over to her side and slipped her panties off. He pushed her shirt up to expose her beautiful tits. Her ass pressed against his clothed groin; and she rolled her hips causing her ass to rub against his painfully hard cock.

Each swirl of her hips drove him mad; grabbing the band of his boxer briefs, he pulled them down and out of the way.

Kylo grabbed his penis and rubbed it along her slick folds. He started to push in; he grabbed her hip to steady himself and pushed forward until he was fully seated inside her. He liked making love to her this way. He could lay kisses on her neck and shoulders while fondling her beautiful breasts.

He pinched a nipple between thumb and forefinger, causing her to moan as she threw her head back against his shoulder. Her ass slapped against his hips with each thrust that he gave.

 _Slick. Hot. Tight._ His thoughts were almost as obscene as the sounds of their lovemaking.

“Oh Kylo, I want you to fill me up. Fill me with your come.”

She was a dirty little girl; oh how he loved hearing her this vocal.

“Yes, darling.”

He pounded into her relentlessly. His hand returned to her clit, rubbing round the small nub. She turned her face enough to kiss him on his lips.

Lovely Rey, she looked so beautiful in his arms.

He could feel himself climbing closer to his release; but he wanted her to come with him.

“Sweetheart, I want you to come. I want to feel you fluttering around my cock.”

“Babe, yes. I'm close. So close. Don't stop.”

He rubbed faster on her clit as he sucked bruises into her neck. She gasped as she hit her peak; tightening around him triggering Kylo to come hot ropes inside her.

He slipped out of Rey and pulled her against his chest. He was about to tell her how much he loves her when she grabbed his face to look into his eyes.

“I love you Kylo.”

He couldn't hold back the smile that spread across his face.

“And I love you, Rey.”

***

They showered together; taking turns soaping each other's bodies and washing their hair. Kylo had to lean forward for Rey to reach his head and lather it with shampoo.

They were all smiles and giggles as the water cascaded down on their bodies. Rey rested her head on his shoulder as the warm water ran down her back. He let his hand brush through her wet locks as they swayed under the water.

His heart felt so full he thought surely it would burst. But as he held her in his arms, he could only think about one thing. One very important thing that he wanted more than anything in the world.

Kylo grabbed her left hand circled her ring finger. He knew what he wanted, he knew what he would have to do. He wanted Rey to be his for the rest of their lives. He was already hers in return; yet he wanted to give her a ring, and a wedding, and one day a family of their own.

He wanted a marriage. He wanted to wake up next to her for the rest of their lives. He wanted to watch her belly swell with his child, _their_ child. He wanted to grow old with her.

He wondered if they would have little girls with chestnut hair and hazel eyes, or little boys with his dark curls and deep brown eyes. Maybe they would have one of each and they would be the perfect combination of them both. He hoped they would take after their mother; for she's perfection in his eyes.

Kylo grabbed her face in his hands as he kissed her deeply. Drops of water rolled down his brows and across his nose. Her lips were wet as he devoured her.

_My Rey. My beautiful Rey._

He held her tightly to his chest; feeling the press of her breasts against him. His hands ran up and down her slick back.

He wanted forever. He wanted happily ever after. Kylo knew she wanted a family more than anything in the world, and he could give that to her. He wanted to give that to her.

A ring. He would pick out a ring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo goes ring shopping. He then plans the perfect way to propose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Shwtlee, VulnerableWarlord, and Clockwork-Cameos

“Have you ever been to the top of the Sears tower?” Ben asked.

“You mean the _Willis_ tower,” Rey replied with a smirk.

“No, it will always be the Sears tower to me, have you?”

Rey shook her head no. “I haven't had much time for sightseeing. Even though I've lived in Chicago almost all of my life.”

“Let's go. I'll take you there. How does tomorrow night sound?”

“Alright, I'll look forward to it,” she replied as she quickly kissed his lips. “I'm going to take a shower and head off to school.”

“Alright love, I have some business meetings I need to get to. But I'll see you tonight.”

***

Kylo met up with Phasma for lunch. He ate his burrito hurriedly and waited on edge for Phasma to finish her meal.

“Relax Kylo, we will find an engagement ring that Rey will love.”

“It has to be perfect Phas. She has such dainty fingers, and she is very simplistic. So I was thinking a solitaire. But I want it to be at least two carats. She deserves as much.”

“Stop panicking. Whatever you choose she is surely going to love.”

Kylo drummed his fingers on the table as he waited. He had arranged everything. It was going to be perfect. He just needed to find the perfect ring for Rey.

***

After hours upon hours of searching one store after another, Kylo finally was able to narrow it down between two rings. Both were solitaire, round cut, and 14 carat white gold. Both were 2 carats. Although one was a solid band with a larger diamond, the other had small diamonds around the band and a large stone in the center.

“I think she would like the solid band better, don't you think Phas?”

“I happen to agree with you there, she will love this one. I'm sure of it.”

Kylo told the employee that he was ready to buy the ring, handing over his Amex card and telling the man to charge the card for the full price of the ring.

He was handed over the little black box. He opened it to inspect the ring one last time before pocketing it.

“She's going to love it Kylo. I'm so happy for you. I better be the best lady at your wedding.”

Kylo chuckled, “You certainly deserve the title. You are my best friend Phas. Thank you for always being there for me.”

“Of course Kylo.”

She hugged him tightly before releasing. She had tears in her eyes.

“Aren't you glad I sent her that lemon drop?”

“You have no idea,” Kylo said.

***

That evening Kylo took his pill right on time before making Rey her favorite meal for dinner. He sauteed shrimp and boiled pasta. He mixed the pasta and shrimp in the vodka sauce. He set the table with the plates of pasta. He then prepared an Italian salad and placed the bowl in the center of the table. He was pulling out the garlic bread from the oven when Rey walked in from her night class.

“You made my favorite,” she said with a grin that lit up the room.

“I did.”

“And you set the table, and lit candles. What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion, I just love you.”

He closed the distance and kissed her passionately. He let his hands rub up and down the expanse of her back. His hands snuck underneath her top as he traced her soft skin. He let one hand sneak under her bra to pinch a nipple.

She moaned at the contact. There would be more of that later, but for now they had a delicous meal to eat.

“Come, sit and eat.”

“In that order?” She smirked.

“You little minx, what am I going to do with you?”

She threw her head back as she laughed. And wasn’t that the most beautiful sight? He wanted to pull the ring out, here and now. But no, it wasn’t quite time yet. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her over to the table.

She sat down and spooned some salad onto her plate. Kylo brought the plate of garlic bread over as he sat across from her. He stretched his long legs out underneath the table. Rey toed off her shoes and rubbed her foot against his ankle.

They shared heated glances full of lust as they ate their dinner. Rey offered to wash the dishes. Kylo walked over to the bedroom and lit some candles to set the mood. He plugged in his phone and turned on some soft music. He wanted to take care of her tonight, cherish her, worship her.

He was about to call for Rey when he stepped out of the bedroom and saw her stark naked in the kitchen as she washed the dishes. He walked up behind her and started rubbing her bottom. She arched her back causing her ass to push against his crotch. He let his hands caress her back and shoulders and then back down to her bottom. Kylo then gave her a little smack on her behind.

“Are you done cleaning up?”

She wiggled her ass as she replied, “I can be convinced to pick this back up later.”

Kylo snuck his hand around to her front rubbing her clit before thrusting a finger inside of her.

“So wet, and all for me?”

“Always, Kylo.”

He carried her to their bedroom, their lips interlocked the entire time. He laid her down against the plush pillows and stripped his clothes with haste. Once he was completely nude, he settled himself on top of her. He slipped inside with ease as they both groaned. He thrusted fast and hard. The feeling of being inside her was one that would never get old. She kissed all over his face as he moved within her. Her walls clenched around him tightly causing him to see stars.

It didn’t take long for them both to find their release. He came inside her at the exact moment he felt her flutter around him. He collapsed on top of her, nuzzling the space between her breasts.

“I love you so much sweetheart.”

“I love you Kylo.”

***

Kylo was more nervous than he had ever been in his entire life. He kept patting the little box hidden within his leather jacket. Rey was in the bedroom getting dressed for their night out. She had no idea what he had planned for them.

She walked out wearing her favorite pair of jeans, a black long sleeve shirt, and a red flowery scarf around her neck and shoulders. She looked beautiful.

“Are you ready my love?’

“Yes, let’s go. I can’t wait to go to the top of the Willis tower.”

“Sears tower,” he smirked.

Kylo called a cab to take them over to the corner of South Wacker Dr. and West Adams St. He guided her inside and nodded to the security guard that stood at the door to the building. The building was entirely empty. Just the way he had planned for it to be. She looked over at him with confusion.

“You did not pay for us to have a private visit Kylo? Tell me you didn’t spend that much money on me.”

“It was money well spent,” he said as he kissed her lips.

Kylo grabbed her hand and led her over to the elevator that would take them to the Skydeck viewing area. They rode up to the 103rd floor, Kylo held her from behind and buried his face in her neck before kissing her chastely on her cheek.

Once the doors opened he placed a hand on her lower back and gently pushed her out of the elevator. He walked her around the building, pointing out different areas off in the distance that meant something specific to him. You could see so much of Chicago from up here. Rey’s face lit up in awe of the city skyline, it was a gorgeous sight. The buildings that lit up the night sky. It was a shame that they couldn’t stargaze in the city. He mentally noted that he would have to take her out to the suburbs one night to do so.

“The buildings look gorgeous from up here, and the Chicago river, and the lake. Kylo, I can’t believe you did this all for me. Thank you.”

“We’re not done yet, I have another surprise.”

He walked her around to the other side of the building where the platforms were that reached out away from the building. These glass boxes gave visitors the ability to walk inside and look down at the city street below their feet. It was a feature that had been added to the building. One that he was sure would impress Rey. The platform he led her to was decorated with rose petals.

“Kylo, are you serious?”

She laughed as he walked her out onto the glass.

“This is exhilarating. I feel like we could fall at any moment.”

“Don’t worry, this is very sturdy.”

Her eyes sparkled as she took in the sights around her. Once she broke her gaze and turned to look at him, he dropped down on one knee pulling the black box out of his jacket pocket.

She stared at him with shock, utterly speechless. He hoped it was a positive shock.

“Rey, I love you very much. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Before I met you, I was guarded and alone. I’ve never met someone that complemented me like you do. You have helped me through the hardest times in my life, you stuck by my side through the good and the bad. You’ve been my rock, and in return I hope I’ve been yours as well. I want to grow old with you, I want to have a family with you, I want it all. Rey, will you marry me?”

She leaned over and kissed his lips with heated passion, not giving him a chance to stand up or catch a breath.

Once she pulled away she met his eyes, her hazel ones shimmered with unshed tears.

“Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

He stood up and pulled the ring out of the box. He slipped it on her finger as he watched her admire it.

“It is absolutely beautiful Kylo.”

“Not as beautiful as you, my love.”

Kylo held her in his arms as he kissed her. His fiance, his beautiful fiance.

“I am so glad you said yes,” he said between kisses. “Now I don’t have to call our friends and cancel the engagement party at our apartment.”

“What?” She laughed out loud.

“Are you ready to celebrate with Finn, Poe, and Phasma?”

“Can we stay here a little while longer?”

“Anything that you would like,” he said.

“Thank you,” she replied. “I just want to spend some alone time with my fiance.”

He would never tire of hearing her call him that. He held her in his arms as they leaned against the glass wall of the platform. They shared a few kisses before sitting on the ground. He held her in his arms like he had many nights. But now, this time, they were engaged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The platform is real. Here's a link to my tumblr selfie. http://reylorobyn2011.tumblr.com/post/159092605645/this-is-significant-to-my-neon-lights-update


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg I finally updated this. I'm so sorry for the almost two month hiatus. This has been sitting in my drafts for so long. But it is not abandoned, I need to finish this baby!

Kylo watched Rey as she admired the ring now placed on her finger. It sparkled in the streetlights as they walked hand in hand to the intersection. Kylo held her in his arms as they waited for the cab to arrive. He couldn’t help but press kisses along her neck, pulling her scarf out of the way so he could kiss along her skin.

“I can’t believe how gorgeous this ring is Kylo.”

He took her hand in his and held it up to the streetlight, rubbing circles around the diamond.

“I wanted it to be perfect, I hope that everything was.”

She leaned her head back against his shoulder as she looked up into his eyes.

“More than perfect,” she replied.

Kylo leaned forward and captured her lips, kissing her deeply. The cab stopped in front of them, reluctantly Kylo pulled away and opened the door to the cab for his fiance.

***

Once they had arrived back to his apartment, they were greeted enthusiastically by Finn, Poe, and Phasma.

The two men grabbed at Rey’s hand, taking turns admiring her ring. Phasma walked over to Kylo with two glasses of champagne, handing a glass over to him.

“Where’s Hux,” Kylo asked. He may hate the man but he accepted long ago that Phasma had a unique relationship with the man.

“Oh him, he’s not important. This night is about you, he would try to somehow make it about himself.”

Before he could respond, Phasma grabbed a spoon and clinked it on the side of her champagne glass.

“I want to make a toast to our dear friends. To their continued happiness and a lifetime of memories. Congratulations Kylo and Rey.”

Rey’s eyes met Kylo’s as they all raised their glasses.

“Let’s get this party started,” Phasma said.

***

It didn’t take very long for Kylo to feel overwhelmed by the party. It didn’t matter that it was only close friends, he still felt awkward and out of place. Once he had gotten the chance, he excused himself and snuck out to the balcony to catch his breath.

He looked down into his champagne glass and smiled to himself. If this was triggering his anxiety he could only imagine what the weekend would bring when he took Rey to meet his parents. Kylo gulped the champagne down and placed the glass on the ground. He looked down below to the street and watched the traffic lights changing. He could hear the sound of the L off in the distance. The sights and sounds of the city actually seemed to have a calming effect.

He heard the sliding glass door open and close as footsteps approached from behind.

“Why aren’t you celebrating with her?”

Ah, it was the best friend. Finn. Kylo turned his head to take in the man standing behind him. He stood with his arms crossed and an annoyed look upon his face. Of course he wouldn’t understand Kylo’s social anxiety and depression. What would Kylo have to be sad about? Good job, great fiance. Yet it is never that simple is it?

“I just needed some air, that’s all. I’ll be back in there in a little while.”

Kylo turned to look out at the street again. Hoping that the other man would take the hint and leave him be.

“Hey man, can we start over again. For Rey.”

This was curious. Finn had always held a grudge over Kylo. He didn’t like Kylo’s possessiveness. Finn had always assumed that he dictated Rey’s life. But in reality, they made decisions as equals.

Kylo turned around completely and look into Finn’s face. The other man held out his hand to shake and Kylo tentatively took hold.

“For Rey,” Kylo repeated.

He caught sight of Rey’s eyes peering through at them from her spot in the living room, she was having a conversation with Phasma. She smiled at him and turned back to speak to his friend.

***

Kylo had to all but push Phasma out the door; Finn and Poe had already left for the night and he was ready to put his pajamas on and cuddle up next to Rey on their bed.

Once Phasma had finally left, he turned to Rey and pulled her into a huge hug. He buried his face into her neck, kissing her skin lightly.

“I really want to make love to my beautiful fiancé.”

He brought her left hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles up to her wrist. It didn’t take him long to rid her of her clothing and tossing her onto their bed. Kylo undressed and joined her, kissing her deeply.

“I love you so much Rey.”

She spread her legs for him as he slowly slid inside of her. She was already so wet and welcoming. He moved within her body at a torturously slow pace, wanting to feel every sensation as if it was the first time they made love. Remembering that night at the club felt like years ago. When in reality it had only been a handful of months. The reality that Rey had accepted his proposal, and that they would spend the rest of their lives together, brought him immense joy.

It didn’t take either of them long to reach their releases. Rey orgasmed first, clenching around his cock, triggering his own climax. He came hot ropes of come deep inside of her and collapsed on the bed beside of her.

Both of them were sweaty and sated from their lovemaking. Kylo suddenly eyed the pills on the nightstand. He had forgotten in the excitement of the party and their bedroom activities, that he needed to take his pills.

Sighing as he sat up, he reached over and fingered the pill bottle. Popping open the top, he grabbed his small white pill and drank from the glass of water on the nightstand. Once he was finished, he noticed Rey was staring at him.

“What is it Rey?”

She smiled timidly as she replied, “You know I haven’t pushed you to open up to me about everything. You’ve shared so much with me, and you’ve been your most vulnerable around me. I appreciate that you trust me in that way.”

“But?” he asked. He knew there was a condition. Something she was fretting over.

“But, I’ve always wondered. Why the name on your prescription is _Ben Solo_ and not _Kylo Ren._ ”

Ah, he was not expecting this question quite yet. Although he had been putting it off for so long, he knew it was something he would have to talk to her about at some point. Why had he waited so long? He wasn’t _Ben Solo_ any longer, he was Kylo Ren. Sure his license and birth certificate said Ben Solo. But to everyone else, he is known only as Kylo.

Kylo sat up and pulled her against his chest. He rested his chin on the crown of her head. He breathed in deeply before he responded.

“When I was younger, I had a lot of mental issues. Still do obviously. My parents didn’t understand me. Especially my father. So they sent me away. They sent me to live with my uncle. Luke was great, he understood what I was going through. He had similar issues. He is a manic depressive. Luke helped me through the hardest time of my life. He got me the help I needed, set me up with my doctor which in turn got me the medication that made life manageable once again. Once I was old enough to move out on my own, I wanted to make a name for myself. Ben Solo was weak. Ben Solo was an emotional wreck. Ben Solo was the failure that his parents didn’t want to have to deal with or try to understand. So I changed my identity. Nothing legally, but my alias is Kylo Ren. My uncle respected my decision and would use my chosen name. The friends I’ve made know me only as Kylo. My parents always refused to use my chosen name. They still want me to be that boy, the one I was as a child. Before my mind revealed to be broken. But I am not that person anymore. Maybe sometimes I am, I don’t really know. But I hate to reflect on that part of my life. I was incredibly lonely and misunderstood.”

“Kylo, I, I don’t know what to say.”

He kissed her forehead and relaxed back into the pillows.

“You don’t have to say anything Rey. That is in the past. Although, when we meet my parents this weekend, some of that may be drug back up again. So maybe it is for the best that you have heard it from me.”

Rey leaned forward and captured his lips with her own. She cupped his cheeks as she pulled away.

“Babe, we really don’t have to do this, if you aren’t ready. I don’t want to pressure you.”

He quirked a smile on his lips.

“But I have to introduce them to my beautiful fiance.”

“I really love the sound of that,” she replied.

“My fiance,” he repeated.

She climbed on top of him and ground her hips against his.

“Say it again.”

Kylo’s hands fell on her waist and squeezed lightly, “My fiance.”

“Ready for round two? Fiance?” she asked.

“More than ever.”

***

The weekend arrived and Kylo’s stomach twisted with anxiety as he packed an overnight bag for their trip. His parents lived in Milwaukee. Close but still a comfortable distance away. Rey grabbed his arm as he pulled their bags to the front of the apartment.

“Would you like me to drive?”

His stomach was already nauseous from the anxiety, it would probably be in both of their best interests for Rey to drive.

“Yes, sweetheart. That would be great.”

He carried their bags down to the parking deck and popped the trunk to his car. Kylo handed over the keys to Rey as he slid into the passenger seat. He set the GPS to the address that he remembered from so long ago.

“It’s only a two hour drive, it shouldn’t take us too long if the traffic is alright.” he muttered practically under his breath.

He felt Rey’s hand squeeze his knee.

“Everything is going to be okay Kylo. I’m here for you.”

He nodded and looked out the window for something to focus on. Anything to get his mind off of the inevitable reunion. Rey pulled out of the parking deck and headed out of the city. Kylo watched the city skyline as it began to disappear out of sight, the further north they drove. Breathing deeply he tried to relax. His hands were shaking and a cool sweat was forming on the back of his neck.

He could do this, he had to do this. For Rey. All for Rey.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He turned to look out the window, knowing full and well that sleep would not come. He closed his eyes and tried to think about something else, anything else to distract him. He thought about Rey’s loving smile and her hazel eyes. He thought about their future and what’s to come. He thought about what their wedding night would be like; then he thought about Rey’s stomach swollen with his child-- their child. He thought about a mini Kylo and a mini Rey jumping on their bed on Christmas morning to wake them up. He wanted this, he wanted it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long!

The drive to Wisconsin was filled with silence. Rey held Kylo’s hand and gave his knuckles reassuring strokes with her thumb. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest and his body was covered in a cold sweat. He was so incredibly anxious. It had been years since he had even truly spoken to his mother.

“Why don’t you try to take a nap?” Rey offered.

Kylo nodded and brought her hand to his lips, ghosting his lips over the pads of her fingers.

“Thank you for being here.” he said.

He turned to look out the window, knowing full and well that sleep would not come. He closed his eyes and tried to think about something else, anything else to distract him. He thought about Rey’s loving smile and her hazel eyes. He thought about their future and what’s to come. He thought about what their wedding night would be like; then he thought about Rey’s stomach swollen with his child-- _their_ child. He thought about a mini Kylo and a mini Rey jumping on their bed on Christmas morning to wake them up. He wanted this, he wanted it all.

To his surprise, his eyes started to feel heavy. The thought of their future calmed his nerves and covered him in a warm, comforting embrace.

***

The sound of tires on the gravel drive woke Kylo from his nap. He felt surprisingly refreshed. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night due to his nagging anxiety. Rey reached over and grabbed his neck, pulling him down for a deep kiss.

“Ready babe?”

Kylo pressed a sweet kiss to her lips and swiped his tongue over the seam.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, sweetheart.”

He climbed out of the car and walked around to the driver’s side. Rey was gathering her purse when Kylo opened the car door for her and offered her his hand. She smiled and grabbed onto his hand, allowing him to help her out of the car. Kylo didn’t let go, instead interlacing their fingers together as they walked up to the front of the house.

There were so many memories of this house. Not all of them were tainted with sadness and regret. Some of them-- were almost normal. Kylo decided he would try to remember the few good times that he had as a child. The times before he had to fight with his mind to simply _live_.

Rey knocked on the door and then turned to kiss his cheek.

Kylo’s hands shook as he waited with bated breath. He heard the locking mechanism of the dead bolt turning and the creak of the door opening. He hardly recognized the woman standing in the doorway. His mother, her hair was gray and she had aged significantly since their time apart. Yet, she was still as elegant and beautiful as he remembered.

“Ben,” Leia said with a small smile on her face. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Mother,” Kylo choked out.

She held her hands out as if she wanted to embrace him but was worried he would push her away. Kylo walked into her awaiting arms and wrapped his mother up in a tight hug. It felt warm and loving. It felt as if she had missed him, truly missed him. It felt like he had been missing something in his life. Like a hollow part of his chest was suddenly filled, and he no longer felt the torturous ache of loneliness. Kylo choked out a sob as he held on to his mother’s fragile body.

“I’m sorry Ben. Will you ever be able to forgive me? For the mistakes I’ve made?”

Kylo couldn’t form any words, he nodded his head and pulled away from the embrace. He turned to Rey and placed his hand on her lower back.

“Mother, this is Rey.” he introduced.

Rey stuck out her hand for his mother to shake, Leia grabbed her hand and pulled her in for a hug.

“Thank you Rey, for being there for him when I couldn’t.”

His mother then led them inside the house and to the living room.

“Rey, can I get you anything to eat or drink?” Leia asked.

Rey politely declined the offer. Kylo put his arm over her shoulders and pulled her against his side.

“How is my father?” Kylo asked.

Leia’s face fell, the smile replaced by a sudden sadness.

“I didn’t want to tell you this over the phone. But he’s fallen ill. You know how stubborn he is, and he refused to see a doctor.”

Kylo’s heart clenched tightly.

“Where is he?” he asked.

“He’s in the bedroom, resting. Would you like to see him?” Leia asked.

Kylo looked to Rey who was giving his hand a supportive squeeze.

“Yes, I think I’d like to see him.”

***

Cancer. His father has cancer. Kylo held his father’s hand as he laid in the bed, barely conscious from the medication he had taken that morning.

“Stubborn ass,” Kylo sniped. “You can’t die. Not now, not when your only son is about to get married.”

His father met his eyes and choked out, “married?”

“Yes,” Kylo nodded. “So you can’t die.”

Kylo sat by his side until his father drifted to sleep. He could only hope the old man would remain stubborn and not give up easily. Their relationship was fragile at best; however, Kylo wanted his father to watch him marry the woman of his dreams. He wanted his children to know their grandparents.

Kylo’s heart broke. He can’t die.

***

Back in the livingroom, Kylo cleared his throat to gather his mother’s attention.

“I have some news. Well-- we have some news,” he began.

Leia looked at them both with curious eyes.

“We are engaged,” Kylo said with a smile.

Tears escaped his mother’s eyes as she pulled them both into a hug.

“When are you getting married? Oh Ben, I’m so happy for you. Rey, welcome to the family. This house is always open for you, whatever you need.”

The three of them sat on the couch and spoke about the wedding plans. Rey and Leia excitedly made plans for where the ceremony could take place and when. Kylo piped up that he wanted to marry Rey sooner rather than later, because of his father’s condition. Leia nodded solemnly but agreed.

“We will make it a beautiful ceremony,” Leia insisted.

***

Kylo and Rey left his mother’s house late that night. Leia almost insisted that they spend the night instead of driving home at the late hour. But Kylo knew that he needed the comfort of his own bed. The day had gone well, but it had been overwhelming. He was worried that his anxiety would take a hit if he stayed any longer.

Kylo kissed his mother’s cheek and said goodbye with the promise of coming to visit every other sunday.

When he climbed into the passenger seat, he sighed in exasperation. He fingered the pill bottle in his pocket and remembered that he had forgotten to take his Lexapro on time. He popped open the bottle and dry swallowed the pill.

Rey started the engine and backed out of the gravel drive.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Honestly, I feel better to have made up with them. But at the same time, I am feeling overstimulated. I’m very much ready to be back home.”

Rey smirked at him as she replied, “I can think of something that will relax you.”

Kylo’s brows shot up as he chuckled.

“Please, go on. I’d like to hear what you have in mind.”

She winked at him, “You’ll just have to wait until we get home and I’ll _show_ you.”

He quite liked that prospect.

***

The keys to his apartment were thrown on the table along with Rey’s purse. Their shoes were tossed off as Kylo kissed Rey’s lips. His hands were on her waist, pulling her hips against his. She began pushing him towards the bedroom.

His back collided with the mattress and Rey climbed on top of him, only pausing to remove her shirt. She hadn’t worn a bra. Kylo groaned at the sight of her perky tits. Her nipples were already hard from the chill in the apartment.

She began unbuttoning his shirt, revealing the skin underneath. Her hands ran down his abdomen until she reached the band of his jeans. She popped the button of his jeans and pulled the zipper down.

Impatience won over, as Kylo rolled Rey onto her back. Quickly, he took off their remaining clothes and pushed into her awaiting body. She was already warm and wet, so he slid in with ease.

Rey was moaning underneath him, the sight warmed his heart. He’s the one that gets to see her like this, he is the one that gets to pleasure her and love her. She is his and in return, he is hers.

Their lovemaking was heated glances and warm puffs of breath. Their eyes met in the dim light of the bedroom, and his heart almost cracked at the realization of the magnitude of his love for her.

Kylo lifted his hand to her breast and massaged her, thumbing over her nipples causing her to whimper. He snuck his hand between their bodies and began rubbing her clit in swift circles. Each thrust brought him closer to his own release. When he felt the familiar flutter of her walls around his cock, he let go and shot hot ropes of come into her pussy.

He stilled inside of her and didn’t pull out. Instead, he kissed her lips and slid his tongue against her’s.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

He would never tire of hearing those words. He kissed her again, whispered endearments into her ear of how much she means to him.

His final thoughts before drifting to sleep, were thoughts about his life. Maybe everything was leading up to this moment. Maybe those hardships and battles were finally behind him. Maybe, everything was going to be okay.

For the first time, Kylo felt in control.

Rey absentmindedly rubbed his chest as she began to drift.

“Kylo,” she whispered.

Kylo put his forehead against her’s as he closed his eyes and settled into the pillows.

“You can call me Ben.” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left. <3


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo married Rey a short six months after they had gotten engaged. Their ceremony had been held at the lakeside, with the Chicago skyline as their backdrop. It was a small gathering, only Kylo’s parents, his uncle Luke, Finn, Poe, and Phasma were in attendance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snapshots of their life together. I hope you enjoy.

**EPILOGUE**

Kylo married Rey a short six months after they had gotten engaged. Their ceremony had been held at the lakeside, with the Chicago skyline as their backdrop. It was a small gathering, only Kylo’s parents, his uncle Luke, Finn, Poe, and Phasma were in attendance.

Rey wore a simple white dress that clung to her small frame. She looked breathtaking. She wore her hair down in loose waves. The wind coming off of the lake softly blew through her hair and Kylo found himself transfixed.

September was the perfect time to have their wedding in Chicago. It was still warm enough to enjoy themselves, while not being sweltering. Kylo found himself holding on to Rey’s waist as they said their vows. He couldn’t help but smile when he looked into her eyes. She was such a bright light in his life.

Finally, the officiant said the words he had been waiting for. _I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now kiss the bride._

Kylo didn’t waste a second as he wrapped one arm around her waist and slotted his lips against hers. Her fingers sunk into his hair as she deepened the kiss.

Cheers and whistles rang out around them from their friends and family. Kylo broke the kiss and blushed from the attention. He still didn’t like to be the focal point.

The reception was held at one of the high class nightclubs that Kylo owned. More people were in attendance at the reception. They shared their first dance as husband and wife, and Kylo was reminded of the first time they had danced together and how that moment changed his entire life.

***

Rey grabbed Kylo’s face and pressed a kiss on his full lips. They were on the plane heading for Santorini, Greece for their honeymoon. Rey hadn’t been out of the United States since she was a small child when she left England. Kylo wanted to show her the whole world. One place at a time. So he let her pick the destination for their honeymoon.

The flight was went smoothly and before they knew it they were landing in Greece. Kylo held Rey’s hand as they made their way to their hotel room overlooking the Aegean Sea. The sun was setting by the time that they had gotten into their room. Kylo wrapped his arms around Rey’s waist as they watched the purple and pink hues paint the water below. He kissed her behind her ear and brought her to their bed.

Kylo quickly rid Rey of her clothing and she tugged at his belt and began undoing his pants. Clothes scattered across the hotel room floor as Kylo settled himself on top of her body. She looked beautiful beneath him.

He pushed inside of her in one gentle thrust. She still felt so tight and warm around him. Their eyes were locked onto each other as he began to move within her. Rey’s mouth hung open as she let out little gasps of breath.

“So beautiful,” he groaned as he cupped one of her breasts, tweaking a nipple. “So beautiful and all mine.”

He leaned over and captured her nipple in his mouth, giving it a vicious suck. Soon enough she was clenching around him, her walls fluttering against him pushing him over the edge as he came deep inside of her.

Once his hips stilled, he grabbed Rey’s cheek and pressed a heated kiss to her lips.

“I love you so much sweetheart.”

“I know, I love you too.”

***

They walked down the cobbled stone streets hand in hand as they took in the scenery. Kylo was wearing a white button up and khaki pants. Rey looked beautiful in a yellow sundress. He took his phone out and took various photos of Rey as she walked down the streets. She smirked at him as he continued to take her picture.

A passerby offered to take a few photos of them together. Kylo held Rey tightly to his chest as they smiled brightly for the camera.

Once they had returned to their hotel room, Kylo started filling a bath for the two of them to soak in. They quickly took off their clothing and Kylo held her hand as he stepped into the hot water. She walked into the bath and settled her back against his chest. Kylo set the jets on and filled the bath with scented bubbles. His hands rubbed up and down her arms slick from the water. She turned her head to look up at him, and he met her lips with his own. Kissing her passionately as he caressed her body.

He felt himself getting hard as he continued to taste her lips. Rey shifted her hips until the head of his cock was lined up with her entrance. He pushed himself to the hilt inside her and thrusted shallowly as the water lapped over the edge of the tub.

He continued to kiss her as they made love, weighing her breasts in his hands before letting one hand trail down her body to rub circles around her clit. Soon they were both falling over the edge, tumbling into their orgasms as they held each other in loving embraces.

***

Back in Chicago, Kylo held Rey’s hair back as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I must have gotten food poisoning.”

Kylo rubbed her back soothingly as she continued to get sick.

“Sweetheart, is it possible that you are--”

“What? Pregnant? I don’t know. Maybe?”

He kissed the crown of her head before jumping up to grab her a glass of water.

“I’ll go to the pharmacy today. I have to pick up my prescription anyway, I’ll grab a few pregnancy tests while I’m there.”

***

Kylo and Rey stared at the pregnancy test where it sat on the counter in their bathroom. There were two lines in the viewfinder.

“That… that means--” Rey said.

“We’re having a baby.” Kylo finished for her.

“We’re having a baby Rey. I’m going to be a father. You’re going to be a mom.”

“We’re going to be parents.” she cried as she crashed their lips together.

The pregnancy seemed to fly by. Kylo loved the sight of Rey’s growing belly full with their child. It was proof of their love. He wondered if they would have a little boy or a little girl. He knew Rey wanted at least two children, and he would be happy with whatever they were blessed with.

The appointments were starting to get closer to Rey’s due date, and when she was checked for dilation the doctor informed them that it could be any day now that she went into labor.

They had decided not to find out the sex of their baby. They were both happy enough to be having a child. And the thought of it being a surprise during the delivery was exciting.

Kylo was working at one of his clubs when he got the call from Rey that her water broke. He rushed out of the club and drove straight to their apartment. Despite Rey’s protests and insistence that he let her walk, Kylo carried her to the car and buckled her up as he ran to the other drivers side.

Rey told him that she was worried he was going to crash the car with how nervous he was. She ended up being the one to call their friends and family to let them know that she was in labor.

Once they were at the hospital, they were set up with a room for Rey to deliver in. Kylo paced the room nervously as Rey waited for the nurse to come check her dilation.

She let out a groan as she grabbed her stomach. Kylo rushed over and grabbed her hand, allowing her to crush his fingers while she worked through her contractions.

Rey was in labor for ten hours. He held her leg up, rubbing soothing circles onto her knee as she began pushing. After thirty minutes of pushing their daughter came into their world, screaming and absolutely beautiful.

“We have a daughter,” Kylo cried.

Rey held the little squirming baby on her chest as she looked into his eyes.

“What should we name her?” she asked.

“What about Aria?” he suggested.

“I like that, Aria Solo.”

“Our baby girl.” Kylo kissed her lips as he looked at the mother of his child with admiration.

***

Rey was nursing Aria on their bed.

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Kylo said outloud, gathering Rey’s attention.

“Yeah?”

“I think I want you to call me Ben. It is my legal name. And with Aria and you having my last name. I want to be Ben Solo again. Is that weird?”

“No, it might be hard to get used to. But I think I’d like to call you Ben.” she said with a smile.

He watched her as she tenderly nursed their daughter, Aria’s little hand reaching out to grab at Rey’s hair as she suckled. Ben found himself smiled at the sight of them both.

***

After Aria had been put to bed, Ben joined Rey in their room and settled his head between her swollen breasts. He listened to the steady beat of her heart as she played with the curls at the nape of his neck.

“We should move to the suburbs.” Kylo said.

“Where exactly?” Rey asked.

“Naperville. I want a house with a yard. A nice school district. Don’t you want all of that as well?”

“I do, I was hoping that you would want that too.”

His hand traveled up her chest and groped at one of her breasts.

“She didn’t feed off of this one, are you tender?”

“Yes, but it’s fine. I will manage.” she said.

Ben pulled the strap of her nursing top down to expose her breast.

“Please let me help, I want to taste you.” he said as he licked his lips.

She pulled his head down to her breast as he took her nipple into his mouth. The tip was already beaded with milk and when he sucked, he felt the milk let down as it started to flow into his mouth. It was warm and sweet, and he hoped that she would allow this more than just this one time.

***

When Aria turned one, they closed on their house in the Chicago suburb of Naperville. Rey carried Aria on her hip as the movers unloaded their furniture into their new home. Finn and Poe had come to help rearrange furniture.

Ben ordered pizza and cracked open some beers for boys to thank them for all of their help. They each took turns playing with Aria and doing their best to make her giggle. She had dark wavy hair like Ben but Rey’s hazel eyes. She was growing so fast and Ben couldn’t help but to miss the ‘baby’ stage.

That night when Aria had been put to bed, Ben brought up the idea of trying for another baby.

“I would like that,” she said.

Ben was all too eager to _try_ that very night.

***

Their son was born just three months after Aria’s second birthday. They named him Benedict. Aria had been very loving to little Benny when they brought him home from the hospital. She was such a sweet and devoted older sister.

Han and Leia came to visit. Han had been through chemo and was in remission. Ben couldn’t express how happy it made him that Han was able to attend their wedding and be in his grandchildrens lives.

Han held Benny in his arms and stifled a sob. His tiny hand wrapped around one of Han’s fingers.

“He looks just like you did,” his father said as he met Ben’s eyes.

**SIX YEARS LATER**

Ben was awoken by two tiny bodies jumping on the bed between him and Rey.

“Wake up, daddy! Santa came!” his daughter squealed.

Ben rolled out of the bed and padded across the hardwoods to the living room. Rey followed behind him with her camera as she snapped photos of their children jumping up and down in front of the Christmas tree.

“I love you daddy.” Benny said as he attached to Ben’s leg.

“I love you too, little man.”

The living room turned into a sea of wrapping paper as the children unwrapped all of their presents.

Rey set the camera up on a tri-pod and gathered the kids on the couch between them as they waited for the flash to go off.

“Perfect,” she said when she looked at the picture on the screen.

She came back and sat across his lap as their kids played with their new toys on the floor.

“I love you Ben Solo,” she said as she nuzzled his nose.

“I love you Rey Solo.” he kissed her longingly on the lips.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered, “Merry Christmas.”

His eyes widening as he looked at his wife.

“That’s the best present I could ask for.” he replied.

He kissed her again, wrapping her up in his arms and his love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very bitter sweet. My first reylo fic that was supposed to be a one shot, is finished. 
> 
> Thank you Shwtlee for beta-ing this for me. 
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this.

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably be a two shot. I have plans to write about their next day.
> 
> Whoops there's plot. Chaptered fic now.


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